Holy cross 1988
Princeton vs. Holy Cross
September 24th, 1988
Outcome Unknown
Ladies and gentlemen, in its 69th season, the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Forward”(In the “Church Lady” voice)
Who taught you to march like that, mmmm Band? Was it John Philip Sousa? No, I don’t think so. Was it Lawrence Welk? No…no…no, or was it — oooh let me take a wild shot in the dark — Satan? (Band screams and scrambles) Well…isn’t that special…What are you doing now, Band? Acting out some pagan fertility rite? Chasing away the Holy Ghost? Trying to raise the dead? Why, you’ll get yours Band, just wait. Why can’t you be more upstanding and virtuous, like the Holy Cross Band?
“Mission Impossible” (Band forms ‘NO’)
Well you’ve gone and done it now Band, you’ve landed yourself in the Underworld…no, not the basement of Dial Lodge…no, not C-floor; the real nether-nether land — the home of the Prince of Darkness, H-E-double-toothpicks! What will you do? What will you do? Well, you could join the National Guard, use your “Get out of Hell Free” card, or roll doubles in one of your next three turns, or you could click your heels together three times and say, “There’s no place like heaven, there’s no place like heaven, there’s no place like Princeton.”
“We Gotta Get Out of This Place” (Band forms a pitchfork)
Well Band, music sure won’t get you out. Why don’t you try taking the SHAT — the Standardized Heaven Admissions Test?
Choose your answers carefully Band; it’s a matter of afterlife, or death. Forming a perfect score on the field, the Band asks for help in high places.
“When the Saints Go Marching In” (Band forms a ’69’)
Well Band, you’re completely unqualified for admission to heaven. But wait, there is a last resort. You could always make a few phone calls to the big guy in Nassau Hall. No one would know what you did except for you, and you’re not telling anyone. Forming the rift between the admissions office and Nassau Hall, the Band salutes glasnost, Princeton style.
“I Heard it Through the Grapevine” (Band forms rift — it looks suspiciously like two parallel lines)
Here endeth the lesson.
September 24th, 1988
Outcome Unknown
Ladies and gentlemen, in its 69th season, the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Forward”(In the “Church Lady” voice)
Who taught you to march like that, mmmm Band? Was it John Philip Sousa? No, I don’t think so. Was it Lawrence Welk? No…no…no, or was it — oooh let me take a wild shot in the dark — Satan? (Band screams and scrambles) Well…isn’t that special…What are you doing now, Band? Acting out some pagan fertility rite? Chasing away the Holy Ghost? Trying to raise the dead? Why, you’ll get yours Band, just wait. Why can’t you be more upstanding and virtuous, like the Holy Cross Band?
“Mission Impossible” (Band forms ‘NO’)
Well you’ve gone and done it now Band, you’ve landed yourself in the Underworld…no, not the basement of Dial Lodge…no, not C-floor; the real nether-nether land — the home of the Prince of Darkness, H-E-double-toothpicks! What will you do? What will you do? Well, you could join the National Guard, use your “Get out of Hell Free” card, or roll doubles in one of your next three turns, or you could click your heels together three times and say, “There’s no place like heaven, there’s no place like heaven, there’s no place like Princeton.”
“We Gotta Get Out of This Place” (Band forms a pitchfork)
Well Band, music sure won’t get you out. Why don’t you try taking the SHAT — the Standardized Heaven Admissions Test?
- Question number one: When confronted with a communion wafer, do you (a) ask for a sip of wine, or (b) demand a little dollop of cheeze whiz?
- Question number two: Does the tenth commandment read: “thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, wife, ox or ass?” Or does it read: “changing the grading designation of courses after the pass/fail deadline is strictly prohibited?”
Choose your answers carefully Band; it’s a matter of afterlife, or death. Forming a perfect score on the field, the Band asks for help in high places.
“When the Saints Go Marching In” (Band forms a ’69’)
Well Band, you’re completely unqualified for admission to heaven. But wait, there is a last resort. You could always make a few phone calls to the big guy in Nassau Hall. No one would know what you did except for you, and you’re not telling anyone. Forming the rift between the admissions office and Nassau Hall, the Band salutes glasnost, Princeton style.
“I Heard it Through the Grapevine” (Band forms rift — it looks suspiciously like two parallel lines)
Here endeth the lesson.