lafayette 1992
Princeton vs. Lafayette
September 26th, 1992
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Precipitating onto the field like a New Jersey rain cloud, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
Neither rain, nor sleet, nor dark of night could stop true Princeton football fans from supporting their team today. Like all of you, the Band refuses to yield… to monsoons, oncoming traffic, court orders, state troopers, good taste, wet wool, threats of nuclear reprisal, nor John Phillip Sousa spinning in his grave. Also saluting the loyal Lafayette fans, the Band plays a fitting tribute to their fine academic institution.
“Mickey Mouse March” (Band forms a small ‘la’)
And now, it’s the:
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
“The Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
And now, the Princeton University Band takes a long hard look at campus news.
“Princeton Forward”
Students returning to campus have found bright orange bicycles scattered around campus by the Department of Public Safety. The proctors say that the bicycles are there for us to steal–er, I mean “borrow.” The Band thinks that the loaner bikes are a great way to reduce bike theft; in fact, we think this program should be expanded. For instance, to discourage clapper theft, Public Safety could scatter clappers all over campus. And maybe the Athletics Department could have avoided that embarrassing incident this Summer by sprinkling some extra Ivy League basketball trophies about. And let’s not forget leaving some piles of money lying around for USG officers to embezzle. In keeping with this spirit, the Band would like to suggest that to curb alcohol abuse, the best thing to scatter on campus would be kegs, shown here.
“Miller Time” (Band forms a keg)
While we applaud the University’s crime prevention program, we think that it’s time to get serious about safety, as there are not enough regulations already to prevent us from our own stupidity. So, here are some of our suggestions for a kinder, gentler University. In order to prevent the possibility of fire, ivy on buildings may only cover up to 25% of the total wall space. At all major intersections on campus, students must not only dismount their bicycles, but also their sneakers and walk them both across the street. No one must be allowed within 200 feet of Fine Tower and its dangerous sculpture, just in case they should fall. The Dinky’s dangerous and very unprotected power supply should be removed, and the Dinky be powered using the Flintstone method. Finally, the Band cautions everyone to make sure they lock their bikes to an immovable object, unlike the following: the Ivy League basketball trophy, the embosser from the registrar’s office, and finally, the junior class’ Dial-Elm-Cannon deposits.
“Can’t Turn You Loose” (Band forms a U-lock)
Later this year, students will be able to get cable TV in their own dorm rooms, and the Band has heard that one of Tiger TV’s first offerings will be the NUDE OLYMPICS TRIPLECAST! For just $19.95 a day, you get three channels of non-stop excitement. On the blue channel, we’ll feature continuous showings of last year’s police videotape. Tune into the white channel for up-close and personal coverage of the athletes, featuring profiles like you’ve never seen before. Experience all the excitement of the competition…in SUPER SLOW MO. And on the red and chafed channel, our cameras will take you into the very courtroom where the Princeton Borough judge trying the athletes was actually tried for DWI. Tune into all the juicy details, as our investigative reporters get to the bottom of the matter, shown here.
“Stripper” (Band forms a butt) (Band runs off and re-forms in the endzone. Band has removed jackets and boaters, revealing red sashes; berets are optional.)
Mesdames et monsieurs, la band de Lafayette. “La Marseillaise” Eh bien, la France. Chamet, la Louvre, champagne. Sasson pour homme egoiste. Pepe Le Peu. Au Bon Pain. Et maintenant, zee Lafayette Band vould like to salute a few of our fayvoreete Franch things, by forming:
a) vanilla
b) fries
c) toast
d) a kiss
e) a bikini, or
f) April in Paris
“April in Paris” (Band high-steps into a Hershey’s Kiss, which changes into a bikini bottom)
France’s greatest hero was Napoleon. Next to him, Lafayette was, well…taller. But that’s not important now. Saluting France’s second greatest hero, for his actions in this country, the Band plays “The Stars and Stripes Forever.”
“The Stars and Stripes Forever” (Band high-steps into a concert shell)
Say…have you ever seen the Princeton Band and the Lafayette Band together in the same place at the same time? Think about it.
September 26th, 1992
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Precipitating onto the field like a New Jersey rain cloud, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
Neither rain, nor sleet, nor dark of night could stop true Princeton football fans from supporting their team today. Like all of you, the Band refuses to yield… to monsoons, oncoming traffic, court orders, state troopers, good taste, wet wool, threats of nuclear reprisal, nor John Phillip Sousa spinning in his grave. Also saluting the loyal Lafayette fans, the Band plays a fitting tribute to their fine academic institution.
“Mickey Mouse March” (Band forms a small ‘la’)
And now, it’s the:
- Slippery when wet,
- Differently ry,
- Just add water,
- I’m melting! I’m melting!
- Water soluble,
- Dive! Dive! Ah-oogah! Ah-oogah!
- The mother of all monsoons,
- You’re soaking in it,
- We sure fixed the Lafayette Band, didn’t we?
- Double-Double Rotating P!
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
“The Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
And now, the Princeton University Band takes a long hard look at campus news.
“Princeton Forward”
Students returning to campus have found bright orange bicycles scattered around campus by the Department of Public Safety. The proctors say that the bicycles are there for us to steal–er, I mean “borrow.” The Band thinks that the loaner bikes are a great way to reduce bike theft; in fact, we think this program should be expanded. For instance, to discourage clapper theft, Public Safety could scatter clappers all over campus. And maybe the Athletics Department could have avoided that embarrassing incident this Summer by sprinkling some extra Ivy League basketball trophies about. And let’s not forget leaving some piles of money lying around for USG officers to embezzle. In keeping with this spirit, the Band would like to suggest that to curb alcohol abuse, the best thing to scatter on campus would be kegs, shown here.
“Miller Time” (Band forms a keg)
While we applaud the University’s crime prevention program, we think that it’s time to get serious about safety, as there are not enough regulations already to prevent us from our own stupidity. So, here are some of our suggestions for a kinder, gentler University. In order to prevent the possibility of fire, ivy on buildings may only cover up to 25% of the total wall space. At all major intersections on campus, students must not only dismount their bicycles, but also their sneakers and walk them both across the street. No one must be allowed within 200 feet of Fine Tower and its dangerous sculpture, just in case they should fall. The Dinky’s dangerous and very unprotected power supply should be removed, and the Dinky be powered using the Flintstone method. Finally, the Band cautions everyone to make sure they lock their bikes to an immovable object, unlike the following: the Ivy League basketball trophy, the embosser from the registrar’s office, and finally, the junior class’ Dial-Elm-Cannon deposits.
“Can’t Turn You Loose” (Band forms a U-lock)
Later this year, students will be able to get cable TV in their own dorm rooms, and the Band has heard that one of Tiger TV’s first offerings will be the NUDE OLYMPICS TRIPLECAST! For just $19.95 a day, you get three channels of non-stop excitement. On the blue channel, we’ll feature continuous showings of last year’s police videotape. Tune into the white channel for up-close and personal coverage of the athletes, featuring profiles like you’ve never seen before. Experience all the excitement of the competition…in SUPER SLOW MO. And on the red and chafed channel, our cameras will take you into the very courtroom where the Princeton Borough judge trying the athletes was actually tried for DWI. Tune into all the juicy details, as our investigative reporters get to the bottom of the matter, shown here.
“Stripper” (Band forms a butt) (Band runs off and re-forms in the endzone. Band has removed jackets and boaters, revealing red sashes; berets are optional.)
Mesdames et monsieurs, la band de Lafayette. “La Marseillaise” Eh bien, la France. Chamet, la Louvre, champagne. Sasson pour homme egoiste. Pepe Le Peu. Au Bon Pain. Et maintenant, zee Lafayette Band vould like to salute a few of our fayvoreete Franch things, by forming:
a) vanilla
b) fries
c) toast
d) a kiss
e) a bikini, or
f) April in Paris
“April in Paris” (Band high-steps into a Hershey’s Kiss, which changes into a bikini bottom)
France’s greatest hero was Napoleon. Next to him, Lafayette was, well…taller. But that’s not important now. Saluting France’s second greatest hero, for his actions in this country, the Band plays “The Stars and Stripes Forever.”
“The Stars and Stripes Forever” (Band high-steps into a concert shell)
Say…have you ever seen the Princeton Band and the Lafayette Band together in the same place at the same time? Think about it.
