Lafayette 1993
Princeton vs. Lafayette
September 25th, 1993
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Mesdames et monsieurs, the International Bureau of Weights and Measures in Sevres, France (“Home of the Meter”) proudly presents the Princeton University Band! Bonjour, Sue! Don’t forget to breathe! Mwaahahahahahahah!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
Here in Eastern Pennsylvania, there is an air of France. Already on campus today, we’ve seen Charles De Gaulle, Napoleon, Jaques Cousteau (and the faithful crew of the Calypso), Francois Mitterand, Vidal Sasson, Pepe Le Peu, Doctor Guillotine, the Marquis de Sade, Jean Valjean.
Ladies and gentlemen, levez-vous, sil vous plait, for the playing of the national anthem….. Of France.
“La Marseillaise” (Band forms a small ‘l’)
[Following this joke, in which the pause before the “of France” was long enough that many people stood up for the anthem, the Band was banned from Lafayette until 2014]
And now, saluting all things French, such as,
“Going Back” (Band forms Single-Double Rotating Pay)
Of course we’re French! Why do you think we have these outrrrrageous accents?
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at life in America.
“Princeton Forward”
Hardly a week passes in America without another celebrity divorce. Take Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson. (“Please. No, really!”) Who’ll be next? We wouldn’t be surprised to hear of the breakup of Mr. Bill and Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton; after all, only one person can wear the pants in the family. Other potential breakups include Siskel and Ebert…after Siskel put his thumb up in the wrong place. And in a real shocker, Bert and Ernie. Why? Don’t ask, don’t tell.
“Love and Marriage” (Band forms a heart that breaks)
Moving from breakups to breakdowns, how about that American justice system? We’ve discovered that secret negotiations are underway between the government and McDonalds to set up drive-through courts–“McJustice with a side of fries.” Another possibility is Jiffy Lube Justice–“Out in twenty-seven minutes or your next divorce is free!” But the best new suggestion is Wheel of Fortune Justice–the winner gets these valuable prizes, while the loser gets a case of Turtle Wax, a year’s supply of Rice-a-Roni, and five to ten in Alcatraz, “The San Francisco Treat.”
“Jailhouse Rock” (Band forms a jail)
Ahh, jailbirds. Dr. Jack Kevorkian’s self-assisted suicide machine is so popular, people are dying to use it…once. Next month, Dr. Kevorkian will introduce a whole line of self-help products. Be sure to buy the Home Baby Bronzing Kit, so you can preserve that special moment forever! Watch for the Home Pregnancy Kit, and our favorite, the Do-It-Yourself Appendectomy Kit, complete with Super Ginsu knife–shown here, actual size. (Censored: …and our favorite, the Home Circumcision Kit: so easy, even a child could use it.)
“Mack the Knife” (Band forms knife with ‘GINSU’ label)
And now, please welcome the Lafayette College Marching Band. (Note: Lafayette College has no band)
September 25th, 1993
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Mesdames et monsieurs, the International Bureau of Weights and Measures in Sevres, France (“Home of the Meter”) proudly presents the Princeton University Band! Bonjour, Sue! Don’t forget to breathe! Mwaahahahahahahah!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
Here in Eastern Pennsylvania, there is an air of France. Already on campus today, we’ve seen Charles De Gaulle, Napoleon, Jaques Cousteau (and the faithful crew of the Calypso), Francois Mitterand, Vidal Sasson, Pepe Le Peu, Doctor Guillotine, the Marquis de Sade, Jean Valjean.
Ladies and gentlemen, levez-vous, sil vous plait, for the playing of the national anthem….. Of France.
“La Marseillaise” (Band forms a small ‘l’)
[Following this joke, in which the pause before the “of France” was long enough that many people stood up for the anthem, the Band was banned from Lafayette until 2014]
And now, saluting all things French, such as,
- Perrier,
- Peugeot,
- Camembert,
- Les poissons,
- Truffles,
- The password is “Peter ‘Lafayette’ Dutton,”
- French dressing,
- French bikinis,
- French kisses,
- French fries,
- French toast,
- Andre (“The Beer of Champagnes”),
- Au Bon Pain,
- And Quebec, it’s the
- Single-Double Rotating Pay!
“Going Back” (Band forms Single-Double Rotating Pay)
Of course we’re French! Why do you think we have these outrrrrageous accents?
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at life in America.
“Princeton Forward”
Hardly a week passes in America without another celebrity divorce. Take Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson. (“Please. No, really!”) Who’ll be next? We wouldn’t be surprised to hear of the breakup of Mr. Bill and Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton; after all, only one person can wear the pants in the family. Other potential breakups include Siskel and Ebert…after Siskel put his thumb up in the wrong place. And in a real shocker, Bert and Ernie. Why? Don’t ask, don’t tell.
“Love and Marriage” (Band forms a heart that breaks)
Moving from breakups to breakdowns, how about that American justice system? We’ve discovered that secret negotiations are underway between the government and McDonalds to set up drive-through courts–“McJustice with a side of fries.” Another possibility is Jiffy Lube Justice–“Out in twenty-seven minutes or your next divorce is free!” But the best new suggestion is Wheel of Fortune Justice–the winner gets these valuable prizes, while the loser gets a case of Turtle Wax, a year’s supply of Rice-a-Roni, and five to ten in Alcatraz, “The San Francisco Treat.”
“Jailhouse Rock” (Band forms a jail)
Ahh, jailbirds. Dr. Jack Kevorkian’s self-assisted suicide machine is so popular, people are dying to use it…once. Next month, Dr. Kevorkian will introduce a whole line of self-help products. Be sure to buy the Home Baby Bronzing Kit, so you can preserve that special moment forever! Watch for the Home Pregnancy Kit, and our favorite, the Do-It-Yourself Appendectomy Kit, complete with Super Ginsu knife–shown here, actual size. (Censored: …and our favorite, the Home Circumcision Kit: so easy, even a child could use it.)
“Mack the Knife” (Band forms knife with ‘GINSU’ label)
And now, please welcome the Lafayette College Marching Band. (Note: Lafayette College has no band)
