Lafayette 2004
Lafayette at Princeton
September 18th, 2004
Princeton wins 35-18
Pregame
And now for our feature presentation: The Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
Many of you have been following the 2004 Summer Olympics, which for some reason were in Greece this year. But Athens wasn’t the only place that was in the running. (Get it? Get it? RUNNING?) Here are some other cities whose bids to host the Olympics were rejected.
Forming a little ‘l’ for ‘Last Place’, the Band salutes the lovable losers of Lafayette.
(Band forms little ‘l’ and plays “La Marseillaise”)
And now, for a limited time only Available at participating locations while supplies last Limit one per customer No cash value Void where prohibited Some restrictions may apply Consult your local dealer for details Some assembly required Batteries not included Keep out of reach of children Contains moving parts Do not operate while intoxicated Side effects include nausea, rash, and vomitous diarrhea Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back, It’s the Double-Double Rotating P!
(Band forms Double-Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
“The Star-Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Wandering onto the field like a clueless freshman, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
We’d like to welcome the Class of 2008 to Princeton. According to Dean Rapelye, you’re “the very best.” But judging from the number of freshmen that had to be airlifted from Holder Courtyard last week, you’re also “very confused.” For your benefit, and for everyone else’s amusement, here’s a list of questions we’ve overheard recently from freshmen at Princeton.
Saluting the only other source of music at Princeton, the Band forms a turntable and says, “Play that funky music, DJ Bob.”
(Band forms a turntable and plays “Play That Funky Music”)
Note: The band did not perform this joke due to time constraints
Another thing you frosh might be wondering is how you got paired with the roommate you did. I mean, doesn’t your roommate suck? We talked to him yesterday and he said *you* suck. Here are some early warning signs that you may need to switch roommates.
Forming Mr. Kool-Aid, the Band asks, “Are you a believer?”
(Band forms Mr. Kool-Aid and plays “I’m A Believer”)
Hey freshmen! Were you overwhelmed at the Activities Fair? Were you underwhelmed at the Activities Fair? Did you miss the Activities Fair because you couldn’t find Dillon Gym? *Be honest*! If you have no idea how to spend the next four years of your life, don’t worry! We’re here to help. We’ve got the skinny on all the groups on this campus.
The Princeton Band reminds you that, unlike ze Bande de Lafayette, “We’re An American Band.”
(Band forms concert rows, plays “We’re An American Band”)
Run away, Band! It’s legal to buy Uzis now, and they’re on sale at WalMart.
September 18th, 2004
Princeton wins 35-18
Pregame
And now for our feature presentation: The Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
Many of you have been following the 2004 Summer Olympics, which for some reason were in Greece this year. But Athens wasn’t the only place that was in the running. (Get it? Get it? RUNNING?) Here are some other cities whose bids to host the Olympics were rejected.
- Singapore, because caning isn’t an Olympic sport
- Buenos Aires, because it’s in the Southern Hemisphere, and it’s winter there, DUH!
- Baghdad, because the Saddam Hussein War Memorial Stadium is still under construction
- Washington, D.C., because all the judges there are corrupt
- Zurich, Switzerland, because they didn’t want to give up the gold for the medals
- Mexico City, because everyone there who can run, jump, or swim is already in the United States
- Lagos, Nigeria, because all the athletes there tested positive
- Rome, because the judges couldn’t make hide nor hair of that “numeral” system
- And finally, Easton, Pennsylvania, because everyone knows there are no good athletes there.
Forming a little ‘l’ for ‘Last Place’, the Band salutes the lovable losers of Lafayette.
(Band forms little ‘l’ and plays “La Marseillaise”)
And now, for a limited time only Available at participating locations while supplies last Limit one per customer No cash value Void where prohibited Some restrictions may apply Consult your local dealer for details Some assembly required Batteries not included Keep out of reach of children Contains moving parts Do not operate while intoxicated Side effects include nausea, rash, and vomitous diarrhea Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back, It’s the Double-Double Rotating P!
(Band forms Double-Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
“The Star-Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Wandering onto the field like a clueless freshman, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
We’d like to welcome the Class of 2008 to Princeton. According to Dean Rapelye, you’re “the very best.” But judging from the number of freshmen that had to be airlifted from Holder Courtyard last week, you’re also “very confused.” For your benefit, and for everyone else’s amusement, here’s a list of questions we’ve overheard recently from freshmen at Princeton.
- What’s that funny smell coming from Terrace Club?
- Do I really have to sleep with my RA?
- Where are the steam tunnels?
- What’s that guy doing to that other guy in that statue by the Chapel?
- What’s so special about the third floor of Cottage?
- Why is there vomit in my shower?
- How much food should I pack for my trip to Charter?
- What’s an egress?
- What language course should I take… in order to understand my math preceptor?
- How can DJ Bob be in two places at the same time?
Saluting the only other source of music at Princeton, the Band forms a turntable and says, “Play that funky music, DJ Bob.”
(Band forms a turntable and plays “Play That Funky Music”)
Note: The band did not perform this joke due to time constraints
Another thing you frosh might be wondering is how you got paired with the roommate you did. I mean, doesn’t your roommate suck? We talked to him yesterday and he said *you* suck. Here are some early warning signs that you may need to switch roommates.
- You find yourself for sale on eBay
- Your roommate is not that hot chick from Blue Crush
- It’s been three weeks since OA and he still hasn’t showered
- She keeps a life-size cutout of George W. Bush in her bed
- She doesn’t share your taste for hot girl-on-girl action
- He eats everything with fava beans and a nice Chianti
- He thinks he’s the second coming of Christ, and he wants you to drink the Kool-Aid
Forming Mr. Kool-Aid, the Band asks, “Are you a believer?”
(Band forms Mr. Kool-Aid and plays “I’m A Believer”)
Hey freshmen! Were you overwhelmed at the Activities Fair? Were you underwhelmed at the Activities Fair? Did you miss the Activities Fair because you couldn’t find Dillon Gym? *Be honest*! If you have no idea how to spend the next four years of your life, don’t worry! We’re here to help. We’ve got the skinny on all the groups on this campus.
- Join Agape, because Jesus loves you
- Join the Muslim Student Association, because Mohammed loves you
- Join the Atheist Club, because nobody loves you
- Join Wind Ensemble, because music should never, EVER be fun
- Join the Anime Club, because they shut down the Hentai Club
- Join the women’s rugby team — it’s the closest thing at Princeton to girl-on-girl mud wrestling
- Write for the Daily Princetonian, because you’re not funny enough to write for the Nassau Weekly
- Write for the Nassau Weekly, because you’re not funny enough to write for the Tory
- Join Paideia… I have no Paideia what this club does
- Join the Redhead Club, because you’re too incompetent to do anything
- Or, join the Band, because everyone else sucks, but we blow.
The Princeton Band reminds you that, unlike ze Bande de Lafayette, “We’re An American Band.”
(Band forms concert rows, plays “We’re An American Band”)
Run away, Band! It’s legal to buy Uzis now, and they’re on sale at WalMart.
