Lehigh 1987
Princeton vs. Columbia
October 17th, 1987
Outcome Unknown
Princeton University Band, this is your life!
“Princeton Forward”
Dateline: sixty-eight years ago, Arthur Osborne became the proud father of a six-pound nine-ounce bouncing baby Band. The next year, contraception was legalized in New Jersey. Looking oh-so-cute in our orange and black plaid diapers (drum major displays same), we began crawling at an early age. (Band drops and crawls. Drums complain.) A short while later, we uttered our first word: “Scwamble!” Our childhood joys included digging in the sandbox in front of Firestone Library, splashing in the Wilson School wading pool, and playing with large fuzzy things — kind of like Lehigh’s hats. Soon however we had forsaken childish playthings for a friend we cherish to this day — the bottle.
“Tequila” (Band forms baby bottle)
But our good looks and charm won’t get us everywhere, for a band without an education is like…well, Lehigh. So the Band went off to school. We were good at nursery school. Nap time, Band! (Band lies down.) We never got A’s in discipline, however. (Tuba section begins fighting.) Bad Band! Go stand in the corner! (Naughty tubas sulk over to corner.) But we loved the playground. Let’s play Simon Says. Simon says scramble, Band! (Band scrambles) Stop scrambling, Band! (Band stops) Oh, no, Band. I didn’t say Simon says. You’re out. (Band pouts and sulks into next formation.) High school was tougher. We learned to march in gym class. We failed gym class. We made our jackets in home economics. We failed home economics. But our teachers liked us. We got extra credit for clapping erasers, shown here.
“Flintstoned” (Band forms erasers, claps them together, puffs from extinguishers)
And so the Band went on to graduate from Princeton, cum laude. Taking stock of its options, the Band applied for positions we felt especially qualified for: beer taster in Milwaulkee, fashion consultant for K-Mart. Some of us even auditioned for the New York Philharmonic, but were told Mozart never wrote anything for the inflatable kiddie pool. Of course, we could have become full professors at Lehigh, but we preferred to keep a shred of our dignity. Things looked pretty bleak. Having run out of alternatives, the Band turns to the oldest profession — farming. Forming a hoe on the field, the Band plows through “The Horse.”
“The Horse” (Band forms hoe)
October 17th, 1987
Outcome Unknown
Princeton University Band, this is your life!
“Princeton Forward”
Dateline: sixty-eight years ago, Arthur Osborne became the proud father of a six-pound nine-ounce bouncing baby Band. The next year, contraception was legalized in New Jersey. Looking oh-so-cute in our orange and black plaid diapers (drum major displays same), we began crawling at an early age. (Band drops and crawls. Drums complain.) A short while later, we uttered our first word: “Scwamble!” Our childhood joys included digging in the sandbox in front of Firestone Library, splashing in the Wilson School wading pool, and playing with large fuzzy things — kind of like Lehigh’s hats. Soon however we had forsaken childish playthings for a friend we cherish to this day — the bottle.
“Tequila” (Band forms baby bottle)
But our good looks and charm won’t get us everywhere, for a band without an education is like…well, Lehigh. So the Band went off to school. We were good at nursery school. Nap time, Band! (Band lies down.) We never got A’s in discipline, however. (Tuba section begins fighting.) Bad Band! Go stand in the corner! (Naughty tubas sulk over to corner.) But we loved the playground. Let’s play Simon Says. Simon says scramble, Band! (Band scrambles) Stop scrambling, Band! (Band stops) Oh, no, Band. I didn’t say Simon says. You’re out. (Band pouts and sulks into next formation.) High school was tougher. We learned to march in gym class. We failed gym class. We made our jackets in home economics. We failed home economics. But our teachers liked us. We got extra credit for clapping erasers, shown here.
“Flintstoned” (Band forms erasers, claps them together, puffs from extinguishers)
And so the Band went on to graduate from Princeton, cum laude. Taking stock of its options, the Band applied for positions we felt especially qualified for: beer taster in Milwaulkee, fashion consultant for K-Mart. Some of us even auditioned for the New York Philharmonic, but were told Mozart never wrote anything for the inflatable kiddie pool. Of course, we could have become full professors at Lehigh, but we preferred to keep a shred of our dignity. Things looked pretty bleak. Having run out of alternatives, the Band turns to the oldest profession — farming. Forming a hoe on the field, the Band plows through “The Horse.”
“The Horse” (Band forms hoe)
