Harvard 1993
Princeton vs. Harvard
October 23rd, 1993
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Oozing onto the field like the sludge in Boston Harbor, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
The Band was dismayed to learn of the tragic accident when several teenagers lay down in the middle of the road, while imitating the movie The Program. And Princeton’s had its own shocking experience as well. Ever mindful of the preservation of human life, the Band presents this list of safety tips:
“Harvardiana” (Band forms a small ‘h’)
And now, it’s the;
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
And now, please welcome the Band we wish would lie down in the middle of the street: the Harvard University Band.
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long hard look.
“Princeton Forward”
Confused about Cable TV? Can’t find your favorite channels anymore? We can help. The Princeton University Band presents this directory of the new cable lineup for your viewing pleasure. On channel 6, it’s the Menendez Network–when they say “Don’t touch that dial,” don’t touch that dial! Tune to Channel 9 for the NASA Network: All static, all the time time…available on Pay-Per-View for just $19 billion. Simulcast on channels 7 and 11, it’s the Convenience Store Surveillance Network: You give us 22 minutes, we’ll give you a holdup. Tune to 8, the English Channel–it’s not just for swimming anymore. And for our French-speaking viewers, there’s Chanel No. 5. Finally, on Channel 13, it’s the Michael Jackson Kids Network. Remember kids: everybody needs somebody.
“Everybody Needs Somebody” (Band forms a TV)
Hey couch potato! Turn off the boob tube already. You’ll go blind doing that! Besides, for real journalism, most turn to newspapers. Where else can you get headlines like:
Forming journalistic integrity on the field, the Band plays “Washington Post.”
“Washington Post” (Band forms a rolled-up newspaper–not a dick)
Our favorite quality newspaper is of course TV Guide. Check out this week’s issue for shows that didn’t quite make the Fall lineup:
“Lazy River” (Band forms water. Car driving on top crashes, and man in car runs away. Woman in car sinks below water, then lies motionless on the field.)
This score just in from the Nobel Prize Committee: Princeton 3, Harvard nothing.
Bonus Show, Not Performed:
October 23rd, 1993
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Oozing onto the field like the sludge in Boston Harbor, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
The Band was dismayed to learn of the tragic accident when several teenagers lay down in the middle of the road, while imitating the movie The Program. And Princeton’s had its own shocking experience as well. Ever mindful of the preservation of human life, the Band presents this list of safety tips:
- Do not look directly at Band uniforms - may cause permanent eye damage.
- Caution: Fork is very sharp. Do not jam in eye.
- Warning: Do not stick your tongue in electric socket.
- Caution: the Dinky is not a flotation device.
- Objects in Band may be plaider than they appear.
- Warning: Never drink and luge.
- And remember: Friends don’t let friends go to Harvard.
“Harvardiana” (Band forms a small ‘h’)
And now, it’s the;
- Don’t hate us because we’re beautiful,
- 99 and 44/100% pure,
- Two great tastes that taste great together,
- Less saturated fat than the other leading band,
- New coating prevents stomach upset,
- Goes down easy,
- Plop plop fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is,
- The password is “pure chewing satisfaction,”
- Don’t leave home without it,
- Double your pleasure, double your fun,
- Double-Double Rotating P!
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
And now, please welcome the Band we wish would lie down in the middle of the street: the Harvard University Band.
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long hard look.
“Princeton Forward”
Confused about Cable TV? Can’t find your favorite channels anymore? We can help. The Princeton University Band presents this directory of the new cable lineup for your viewing pleasure. On channel 6, it’s the Menendez Network–when they say “Don’t touch that dial,” don’t touch that dial! Tune to Channel 9 for the NASA Network: All static, all the time time…available on Pay-Per-View for just $19 billion. Simulcast on channels 7 and 11, it’s the Convenience Store Surveillance Network: You give us 22 minutes, we’ll give you a holdup. Tune to 8, the English Channel–it’s not just for swimming anymore. And for our French-speaking viewers, there’s Chanel No. 5. Finally, on Channel 13, it’s the Michael Jackson Kids Network. Remember kids: everybody needs somebody.
“Everybody Needs Somebody” (Band forms a TV)
Hey couch potato! Turn off the boob tube already. You’ll go blind doing that! Besides, for real journalism, most turn to newspapers. Where else can you get headlines like:
- Dewey Beats Truman
- Truman Hits Back
- Princeton Crucifies Holy Cross
- Barney and Grimace: Separated at Birth?
- Water recedes–Iowa Found Missing
Forming journalistic integrity on the field, the Band plays “Washington Post.”
“Washington Post” (Band forms a rolled-up newspaper–not a dick)
Our favorite quality newspaper is of course TV Guide. Check out this week’s issue for shows that didn’t quite make the Fall lineup:
- Family Feud, featuring the Menendez family
- The Frugal Gourmet, with Jeffrey Dahmer
- Soul Train, brought to you by Amtrak
- The Fugitive, starring General Aideed of Somalia
- 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, starring Mary Jo Koepechne
“Lazy River” (Band forms water. Car driving on top crashes, and man in car runs away. Woman in car sinks below water, then lies motionless on the field.)
This score just in from the Nobel Prize Committee: Princeton 3, Harvard nothing.
Bonus Show, Not Performed:
