Lehigh 2003
Lehigh at Princeton
September 20th, 2003
Princeton loses 13-28
Pregame
Storming on the field in much the same way Hurricane Isabel did not, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Bands plays “Princeton Cannon Song”)
Inspired by Isabel, the Band has decided to pay tribute to a number of other notable failures:
(Band forms lower case L and plays “O Little Town of Bethlehem”)
And now: More popular than Sean Connery More delicious than Frist chicken tenders More controversial than the Tory More dynamic than Cornell West More attractive than Ed Persia More guilty than OJ Simpson More qualified than Arnold Schwarzenegger More heart-stopping than Dick Cheney More electrifying than the New England blackout More colorful than the department of homeland security?s warning system More holy than thou More dumberer than a Jim Carey movie More horny than the Canadian Brass More powerful than Shirley Tilghman… just joking Shirley! Don’t kill us! More transitive than A, then B, then C More awesome than ninjas… and by awesome, I mean totally sweet! More self-referential that the Princeton University Band It’s the Double, Double Rotating P!
(Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
(Band plays “The Star Spangled Banner”)
Halftime
For the first time ever, it’s the Princeton University Band.
(Band plays “Princeton Forward”)
We heard that Lehigh posted a “first year survival guide” for their new students. In response, the band decided that we should make one of our own. (The announcer edited the next few sentences.) Sure we care about Princeton’s students, but what about their parents? Here’s a Parents’ guide to overcome the “Empty Nest Syndrome”
Forming a waterbed, the band plays “Everybody Needs Somebody”
(Band forms a water bed and plays “Tequila”)
Parents want to know that their children are safe, so the next portion of our survival guide gives some suggestions on how to stay safe on campus:
Forming a horrified bar of soap, the band plays “Jailhouse Rock.”
(Band forms a bar of soap, one trash member holds up a sign saying “Fight Club” in the middle of the soap, while others run around blowing bubbles, and plays “Jailhouse Rock.”)
We in the band have made a lot of mistakes in our time. Here are some mistakes you should never make:
Forming the TI taproom, the band plays “Gimme Some Lovin’.”
(Band forms a tap room [one trash member holds a paper cutout of a keg, while others chase the “keg” around the taproom] and plays “Gimme Some Lovin'”)
Run away, band, it’s Lehigh, and they’re looking for a special friend!
September 20th, 2003
Princeton loses 13-28
Pregame
Storming on the field in much the same way Hurricane Isabel did not, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Bands plays “Princeton Cannon Song”)
Inspired by Isabel, the Band has decided to pay tribute to a number of other notable failures:
- Chernobyl
- All-plaid lingerie
- The writing seminar program
- The Bay of Pigs
- Princeton thongs… for men
- Columbia
- Russian submarines
- Tofurkey
- The George W. Bush administration
- Gigli
- The flourishing democracy in Afghanistan
- The “Snacks for wax” program
- Princeton presidential candidates
- The Prince… of Denmark
- Titanic… the MOVIE
- Last, and most certainly least, LEHIGH
(Band forms lower case L and plays “O Little Town of Bethlehem”)
And now: More popular than Sean Connery More delicious than Frist chicken tenders More controversial than the Tory More dynamic than Cornell West More attractive than Ed Persia More guilty than OJ Simpson More qualified than Arnold Schwarzenegger More heart-stopping than Dick Cheney More electrifying than the New England blackout More colorful than the department of homeland security?s warning system More holy than thou More dumberer than a Jim Carey movie More horny than the Canadian Brass More powerful than Shirley Tilghman… just joking Shirley! Don’t kill us! More transitive than A, then B, then C More awesome than ninjas… and by awesome, I mean totally sweet! More self-referential that the Princeton University Band It’s the Double, Double Rotating P!
(Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
(Band plays “The Star Spangled Banner”)
Halftime
For the first time ever, it’s the Princeton University Band.
(Band plays “Princeton Forward”)
We heard that Lehigh posted a “first year survival guide” for their new students. In response, the band decided that we should make one of our own. (The announcer edited the next few sentences.) Sure we care about Princeton’s students, but what about their parents? Here’s a Parents’ guide to overcome the “Empty Nest Syndrome”
- learn to use e-mail.
- start a life of crime
- Surgically insert a webcam into your child’s head
- Join the Coast Guard
- Order a life-sized inflatable doll with the likeness of your son or daughter
- Surprise your kids by getting a job in Dining Services
- One word: CLONING
- Stop ignoring all you other children
- Fake your own death; they’ll be home in no time
- Have your child surgically attached to your hip or whatever suits you best.
- Buy a large waterbed… the overhead mirror is optional.
Forming a waterbed, the band plays “Everybody Needs Somebody”
(Band forms a water bed and plays “Tequila”)
Parents want to know that their children are safe, so the next portion of our survival guide gives some suggestions on how to stay safe on campus:
- DON’T be a freshman girl
- Don’t make eye contact with the Grad Students
- Surround yourself by Public Safety officers
- Avoid the roving street gangs of Princeton (pause) High School
- Beat up your roommate to establish dominance
- OR declare yourself his special friend
- Deny visas to all international students
- Use the patch to avoid worms and vulnerabilities
- Be unlisted in the face book
- Feel free to Walker or Holder, but avoid Clapp
- Don’t go somewhere where you will be alone, like Lehigh on a weekend.
- Attach a blue light to your forehead
- And if you live in Butler, NEVER drop the soap!
Forming a horrified bar of soap, the band plays “Jailhouse Rock.”
(Band forms a bar of soap, one trash member holds up a sign saying “Fight Club” in the middle of the soap, while others run around blowing bubbles, and plays “Jailhouse Rock.”)
We in the band have made a lot of mistakes in our time. Here are some mistakes you should never make:
- Forgetting to bring your Chinese to English dictionary to math class
- Forgetting to knock after your parents bought the large waterbed (pause) YOUR parents!
- Endangering your life by putting A Post-it note on your means of egress.
- Joining the Wind Ensemble instead of the band. PETER.
- Walking into McCosh 50 and asking for a pregnancy test.
- ORGO
- Misinterpreting the statue behind the Chapel… and every other statue on campus
- Believing that Public safety helps the public or provides safety
- Getting excited when Dean Deigman e-mails you telling you to SCORE
- Trying to pick up girls at a party thrown by the Princeton Theological Seminary.
- Inviting the Fire Inspectors in for a candlelight dinner
- Attending anything described as mandatory
- Touching anything in the TI Taproom
- Getting touched in the TI taproom.
Forming the TI taproom, the band plays “Gimme Some Lovin’.”
(Band forms a tap room [one trash member holds a paper cutout of a keg, while others chase the “keg” around the taproom] and plays “Gimme Some Lovin'”)
Run away, band, it’s Lehigh, and they’re looking for a special friend!
