Lehigh 2007
Lehigh at Princeton
September 15th, 2007
Princeton wins 21-32
Pregame
Fighting for apathy, it’s the Princeton University Band!!!
[Band scrambles on]
Lehigh, we need to talk. We were hoping one of your closer friends in the patriot league would say something, but it’s been twelve years now and someone has got to tell you: Changing your mascot from the engineers to the mountain hawks was dumb. I mean, we understand maybe wanting to get away from your railroad roots, but doesn’t ‘mountain hawks’ seem like kind of a big jump? I mean, the mountain hawk isn’t even a real animal. Maybe you should have started with something a little closer to home, like say:
But if you insist on having a fictional animal as your mascot, we have a few suggestions that might be a little fiercer-sounding than the mountain hawks. Perhaps:
However, we don’t really expect you to take our advice, so forming an ‘L’ for ‘lame mascot’, the band plays “O’ little town of Bethlehem”
[Band plays “O’ Little Town of Bethlehem”]
And now: Opening Exercises Tiger’s Roar Scavenger Hunt Pre-rade Reflections on diversity Outdoor action Arch-sing Honor committee Departmental open houses Tiger nite Activities fair Sex on a DOUBLE DOUBLE ROTATING P!!
[Band plays Going Back]
Halftime
Back from your nightmares, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Princeton Forward]
As we’ve walked along Elm Drive of late, we can’t help but look back and forth between the former Butler and the brand-new Whitman and reflect on how much the University’s style has changed over the past few decades. For example,
Of course, the most ironic thing is that Butler was designed to be the dorm of the future, but Whitman is designed to be the dorm of the past. The band salutes Princeton’s bold strides into the 1850’s by forming the remains of Butler and playing the “Time Warp.”
(Band forms rubble and plays “Time Warp”)
One of the most unfailing signs of the beginning of the academic year, aside from the return of the borough police to Prospect street, is the appearance of clumps of confused freshman wandering around campus. Of course, this is usually just a few hapless souls looking for Richardson, or a couple trying to sneak into Cannon on a Wednesday night. This year, the confusion reached a new peak as the freshmen were pressed into an orientation scavenger hunt. We couldn’t help but wonder, what exactly were they searching for? Was it:
Of course, they’ll all go crazy trying to find any of those things. Forming insanity, the band plays Basketcase.
[Band forms random dots and plays “Basketcase”]
Run away band, the audience can tell you haven’t practiced in three months!
September 15th, 2007
Princeton wins 21-32
Pregame
Fighting for apathy, it’s the Princeton University Band!!!
[Band scrambles on]
Lehigh, we need to talk. We were hoping one of your closer friends in the patriot league would say something, but it’s been twelve years now and someone has got to tell you: Changing your mascot from the engineers to the mountain hawks was dumb. I mean, we understand maybe wanting to get away from your railroad roots, but doesn’t ‘mountain hawks’ seem like kind of a big jump? I mean, the mountain hawk isn’t even a real animal. Maybe you should have started with something a little closer to home, like say:
- The ORFE’s
- The Stokers
- or the Fighting Jesuses from Bethlehem?
But if you insist on having a fictional animal as your mascot, we have a few suggestions that might be a little fiercer-sounding than the mountain hawks. Perhaps:
- The Gryphons
- The Sasquatches
- The Loraxes
- The Hippopotami
- The Chupacabras
- or even the Ligers
However, we don’t really expect you to take our advice, so forming an ‘L’ for ‘lame mascot’, the band plays “O’ little town of Bethlehem”
[Band plays “O’ Little Town of Bethlehem”]
And now: Opening Exercises Tiger’s Roar Scavenger Hunt Pre-rade Reflections on diversity Outdoor action Arch-sing Honor committee Departmental open houses Tiger nite Activities fair Sex on a DOUBLE DOUBLE ROTATING P!!
[Band plays Going Back]
Halftime
Back from your nightmares, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Princeton Forward]
As we’ve walked along Elm Drive of late, we can’t help but look back and forth between the former Butler and the brand-new Whitman and reflect on how much the University’s style has changed over the past few decades. For example,
- While Butler was equipped with bike racks on the roofs, Whitman has Segway racks on the roofs
- Butler could contain rioting students, but Whitman can repel pillaging Ostragoths
- Every closet door in Butler had instructions for what to do in the event of a nuclear attack, Whitman closets have instructions for what to do if your air conditioner breaks
- Butler’s cumbersome and confusing building names like 1941 and 1942 have been replaced with concise, easy-to-remember ones like Murley-Pivirotto Family Tower
- Whitman has special trash rooms to keep unsightly garbage out of view, whereas Butler’s appearance was improved by liberally distributed rubbish heaps
- Butler had waffle ceilings, but Whitman has plasma screen TV ceilings that display pictures of waffles
Of course, the most ironic thing is that Butler was designed to be the dorm of the future, but Whitman is designed to be the dorm of the past. The band salutes Princeton’s bold strides into the 1850’s by forming the remains of Butler and playing the “Time Warp.”
(Band forms rubble and plays “Time Warp”)
One of the most unfailing signs of the beginning of the academic year, aside from the return of the borough police to Prospect street, is the appearance of clumps of confused freshman wandering around campus. Of course, this is usually just a few hapless souls looking for Richardson, or a couple trying to sneak into Cannon on a Wednesday night. This year, the confusion reached a new peak as the freshmen were pressed into an orientation scavenger hunt. We couldn’t help but wonder, what exactly were they searching for? Was it:
- An unlocked entrance to the steam tunnels
- Jimmy Hoffa’s body
- Donald Rumsfeld’s marbles
- A housing reassignment for their doubles in Lourie-Love
- A sober person in TI on a Saturday night
- The sword of Gryffindor
- Karim
- A non-Freudian sculpture
- The package room in Frist
- The Northwest Passage
- A place on campus from which you cannot see a construction site
- An English-speaking professor in Fine Tower
Of course, they’ll all go crazy trying to find any of those things. Forming insanity, the band plays Basketcase.
[Band forms random dots and plays “Basketcase”]
Run away band, the audience can tell you haven’t practiced in three months!
