Lehigh 2009
Princeton at Lehigh
September 26, 2009
Princeton wins 17-14
Pregame:
No record is available of a pregame show at this game.
Halftime:
Following yonder star onto the field, it’s the Princeton University Band!
When last weekend’s Emmys perpetuated Bethlehem’s 61-year losing streak, Mayor John Callahan decided that enough was enough, and announced his intention to pour several thousand dollars into funding new local-access television shows. Callahan later revealed in confidence that he mostly just “really, really, really wants to meet Neil Patrick Harris.” Here are some of the future-award-winning spin-offs the city council is considering to make that happen:
(Band forms a box and plays “Snakes on a Plane,” while the drum major and trash play Snake inside it)
Princeton’s Woodrow Wilson School released a study this week linking tallness to increased happiness, which really does explain why babies are crying all the time. To confirm these results ourselves, we followed a day in the life of the tallest, and thus happiest, man on earth—Sultan Kosen of Turkey. Kosen only received this title recently, when its previous holder, Bao Xishun of China, retired from competitive growing. Kosen does seem extremely happy for a number of reasons:
(Band forms a heart (which is first static, but soon begins contracting and expanding) and plays “Gimme Some Loving”)
Run away, band—that heart was far from anatomically accurate!
September 26, 2009
Princeton wins 17-14
Pregame:
No record is available of a pregame show at this game.
Halftime:
Following yonder star onto the field, it’s the Princeton University Band!
When last weekend’s Emmys perpetuated Bethlehem’s 61-year losing streak, Mayor John Callahan decided that enough was enough, and announced his intention to pour several thousand dollars into funding new local-access television shows. Callahan later revealed in confidence that he mostly just “really, really, really wants to meet Neil Patrick Harris.” Here are some of the future-award-winning spin-offs the city council is considering to make that happen:
- The Secret Life of the American Toddler: or, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Minus Jon and Kate, Plus Sippy Cups Full of Red Bull
- Aztec Idol: Eat your heart out, Quetzalcoatl
- <Boners: Forensic Anthropology has never been so… arousing> (cut)
- To Catch a Football: Dateline’s Chris Hansen makes his debut as the new head coach of Lafayette
- Sith-Busters: It turns out almost all of Star Wars was impossible. Let’s find out why.
- America’s Next Top Model Airplane Enthusiast: Find out who’s king of the runway… the tiny, model runway
- <52 and Impotent: The dating show that puts the “fun” in “erectile dysfunction”> (cut)
- Puffy the Gangsta Slayer: Walking the beat. Beating the rap.
- Booze Clues: (slurred) I don’t know where you came from, crazy blue dog, but get out of my house!
- How I Met Your Mongoose: It’s Rikki-Tikki-Tastic!
(Band forms a box and plays “Snakes on a Plane,” while the drum major and trash play Snake inside it)
Princeton’s Woodrow Wilson School released a study this week linking tallness to increased happiness, which really does explain why babies are crying all the time. To confirm these results ourselves, we followed a day in the life of the tallest, and thus happiest, man on earth—Sultan Kosen of Turkey. Kosen only received this title recently, when its previous holder, Bao Xishun of China, retired from competitive growing. Kosen does seem extremely happy for a number of reasons:
- He’s able to reach the most succulent leaves from the tops of trees
- He doesn’t have to worry about drowning, since every pool is a wading pool
- He gets to keep all the kittens he saves!
(Band forms a heart (which is first static, but soon begins contracting and expanding) and plays “Gimme Some Loving”)
Run away, band—that heart was far from anatomically accurate!
