Lehigh 2010
Princeton at Lehigh
September 18, 2010
Princeton loses 22-35
Pregame:
Getting your heart racing in our skintight jeans, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles onto the field.)
Everyone knows that last summer was chock-full of big news stories and excitements. What you may not know is that the Princeton University Band played a critical role in many of these events.
(Band forms a van and plays “Free Ride” while trash circles as wheels.)
Le-HI, Lehigh freshman – listen up for some solid advice on how to navigate the ins and outs of Lehigh’s campus, academics, and social life. In particular, keep an eye out for a popular Bethlehem resident, Lehigh student Jesùs Crist, better known as JC.
Forming the end of the world, the Band explodes into flame and plays “Great Balls of Fire.”
(Band forms exploding Earth, plays “Great Balls of Fire.”)
Run Away, Band. The Lehigh Band’s pants were all white when they bought them.
Halftime:
No records available of a halftime show at this game.
September 18, 2010
Princeton loses 22-35
Pregame:
Getting your heart racing in our skintight jeans, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles onto the field.)
Everyone knows that last summer was chock-full of big news stories and excitements. What you may not know is that the Princeton University Band played a critical role in many of these events.
- When we heard about the massive BP oil spill, we knew we had to help. We pooled our resources, purchased a single Sham Wow, and Fedex-ed it to the Gulf Coast.
- The Band created a Public Service Announcement reminding Canadians attempting to sneak into the country illegally by sailing across the Great Lakes not to use their anchor babies as actual anchors.
- The Band participated in the Glenn Beck rally scavenger hunt, winning big points for finding items such as <confederate flags> (cut), American flags used as clothing, British tax collectors, tea bags and fanny packs. Unfortunately, we didn’t win because we failed to get the one thousand point bonus for finding <a minority> (cut, replaced with) Waldo.
- Impressed with the deafening enthusiasm of World Cup fans, the Band decided to spice up its sound by replacing every instrument with a vuvuzela. Unfortunately, no one noticed the difference.
- Feeling sympathy for the miners trapped in Chile, the Band tried to keep the spirits of the imprisoned men up by providing food and toiletries as well as a as DVD player and the entire first season of Are You Afraid of the Dark? We also tried to give the men some alcoholic refreshment, but it was confiscated because they are all miners.
- When China got wind of the birth of two giant panda cubs in Madrid, the entire country attempted to drive to Spain, causing a traffic jam nearly 20 miles long. The Band helped ease the congestion by giving stranded motorists a lift.
(Band forms a van and plays “Free Ride” while trash circles as wheels.)
Le-HI, Lehigh freshman – listen up for some solid advice on how to navigate the ins and outs of Lehigh’s campus, academics, and social life. In particular, keep an eye out for a popular Bethlehem resident, Lehigh student Jesùs Crist, better known as JC.
- If you meet a guy at a frat party trying to perform miracles, don’t worry. JC tries to pick up all the freshman girls by turning water into Keystone.
- Avoid walking around in groups because JC used to roll twelve deep but one of the bros was a total douche buzzkill.
- If you make friends with JC, try to get invited to dinner with his parents on Freshman weekend, I hear his dad is the man.
- While some people bring bikes to campus, we recommend a pocket escalator to take on Lehigh’s hills. Remember, the walk of shame at Lehigh is actually the mountain climb of shame.
- You can save money on laundry detergent by purchasing paraphernalia in Lehigh Brown. You’ll never have to wash your clothes again.
- College is a time for experimentation. For example, try to reinvent yourself: put on a new shirt, your old one is dirty.
- If you need some extra cash, you can be a guinea pig for psychology experiments. As an added bonus, you’ll have no trouble getting into Zeta Eta Theta’s exclusive Furry Party.
- Speaking of frats, there are no open container laws in this state. (pause) Wooo!!
- Don’t worry if you miss your mom, I saw her last night and she’s just fine.
- <To avoid being sexiled, preemptively masterbanish your roommate.> (cut)
- In order to avoid the Freshman Fifteen, you should eat only Lebanon Baloney from Goosey Gander.
- If you don’t do well in your classes you can always drop out. Goosey Gander is hiring.
Forming the end of the world, the Band explodes into flame and plays “Great Balls of Fire.”
(Band forms exploding Earth, plays “Great Balls of Fire.”)
Run Away, Band. The Lehigh Band’s pants were all white when they bought them.
Halftime:
No records available of a halftime show at this game.