Lehigh 2011
Lehigh at Princeton
September 17th, 2011
Princeton loses 22-34
Pregame:
Enjoying our day so much that all the freshmen should come join our organization, it’s the Princeton University Shameless Plugging Band!
(Band scrambles on)
Princeton University is an extremely diverse campus, with many international students among our ranks. This football game might be their first, so we’d like to take this opportunity to give a short primer on the game.
First, it’s called football. Not American football. Oh, and by the way, the game is played by passing or handing off the ball in an attempt to get to the opposite end of the field. That’s right, I said handing off. So why is it called football again? Don’t ask this question.
You’ll notice that the referees, like they do in many North American sports, are dressed like zebras. This is due to the zebra’s traditional position in nature as the officiator of contests. And of course, as is common in nature, if one of the competitors does not approve of the job the zebras have done, the zebras get eaten.
Princeton played the first college football game, and as such has great fans. The best way to express your support for the team is to take off your shirt and wave it around your head. If you want to, you can also paint your tummy. Painted tummies inspire the team to victory.
If all of this is too confusing, you can just pay attention to the halftime show! Where the band will play music and make formations less complicated than those of the football team, and certainly less complicated than the DOUBLE-DOUBLE-ROTATING P!
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating-P, plays “Going Back”)
This summer, Princeton lost a great alumnus. Bob Rodgers, class of 1956, could list many titles and accomplishments, including Class President, Reunion Chair, and Chair of the Princetoniana Committee. He was particularly a tremendous friend to the Band, and we had the honor of playing for his 55th Reunion last year. His presence in our lives will be sorely missed, and long remembered. The Band would like to honor Mr. Rodgers and his legacy with the playing of “The Orange and the Black.”
(Band remains in Double-Double-Rotating-P and plays “The Orange and the Black”)
(ROTC presents the colors)
Please rise for the playing of our national anthem.
(Band plays “Star-Spangled Banner”)
Run away band, I think they’re gonna try to play some football now.
(Band runs away)
Halftime:
Flooding onto the field, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on, playing “Princeton Forward March”)
This summer, there was one thing on every American’s mind: trying to come up with serious, long-term solutions to the debt ceiling crisis. Well, maybe you weren’t actually trying to come up with solutions, but that’s okay! – neither was Congress! Luckily, the Band was hard at work raising money to fix the problem:
(Band forms dollar sign which turns into cent sign, plays “Forget You”)
Due to inclement weather, Princeton’s Outdoor Action program was cut short, supposedly ruining lots of bonding time for incoming freshmen. But we hope you didn’t give up too easily, because it’s still possible to get the bonding offered by OA on campus! Here are our suggestions:
Pitching a tent for our OA leaders… (Line cut by censors)
Pitching a tent on OA, the Band plays “Bad Romance.”
(Band forms a tent and plays “Bad Romance”)
Run away Band, this is a mandatory evacuation.
(Band runs away)
September 17th, 2011
Princeton loses 22-34
Pregame:
Enjoying our day so much that all the freshmen should come join our organization, it’s the Princeton University Shameless Plugging Band!
(Band scrambles on)
Princeton University is an extremely diverse campus, with many international students among our ranks. This football game might be their first, so we’d like to take this opportunity to give a short primer on the game.
First, it’s called football. Not American football. Oh, and by the way, the game is played by passing or handing off the ball in an attempt to get to the opposite end of the field. That’s right, I said handing off. So why is it called football again? Don’t ask this question.
You’ll notice that the referees, like they do in many North American sports, are dressed like zebras. This is due to the zebra’s traditional position in nature as the officiator of contests. And of course, as is common in nature, if one of the competitors does not approve of the job the zebras have done, the zebras get eaten.
Princeton played the first college football game, and as such has great fans. The best way to express your support for the team is to take off your shirt and wave it around your head. If you want to, you can also paint your tummy. Painted tummies inspire the team to victory.
If all of this is too confusing, you can just pay attention to the halftime show! Where the band will play music and make formations less complicated than those of the football team, and certainly less complicated than the DOUBLE-DOUBLE-ROTATING P!
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating-P, plays “Going Back”)
This summer, Princeton lost a great alumnus. Bob Rodgers, class of 1956, could list many titles and accomplishments, including Class President, Reunion Chair, and Chair of the Princetoniana Committee. He was particularly a tremendous friend to the Band, and we had the honor of playing for his 55th Reunion last year. His presence in our lives will be sorely missed, and long remembered. The Band would like to honor Mr. Rodgers and his legacy with the playing of “The Orange and the Black.”
(Band remains in Double-Double-Rotating-P and plays “The Orange and the Black”)
(ROTC presents the colors)
Please rise for the playing of our national anthem.
(Band plays “Star-Spangled Banner”)
Run away band, I think they’re gonna try to play some football now.
(Band runs away)
Halftime:
Flooding onto the field, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on, playing “Princeton Forward March”)
This summer, there was one thing on every American’s mind: trying to come up with serious, long-term solutions to the debt ceiling crisis. Well, maybe you weren’t actually trying to come up with solutions, but that’s okay! – neither was Congress! Luckily, the Band was hard at work raising money to fix the problem:
- We printed 20 trillion dollars of U.S. currency to help pay off the deficit, which we thought would leave us with about 5 trillion extra, but that actually just showed a fundamental misunderstanding of economics.
- We invested our endowment with that friendly Nigerian Prince we’ve heard so much about. The money’s coming any day now! (Line cut for time)
- We started an earthquake insurance company on the east coast, then hired Mother Nature for a little bit of advertising.
- We increased interest in our national pastime across the pond by selling baseball bats in London. That one worked out a little too well.
- We changed the national bird from the majestic, expensive bald eagle to the lame, cheap mountain hawk. (Line cut for time)
- We cut defense costs by replacing the army with a single guard dog…and the navy with a guard shark.
- We proposed cutting the most inefficient and wasteful branch of government: Congress.
(Band forms dollar sign which turns into cent sign, plays “Forget You”)
Due to inclement weather, Princeton’s Outdoor Action program was cut short, supposedly ruining lots of bonding time for incoming freshmen. But we hope you didn’t give up too easily, because it’s still possible to get the bonding offered by OA on campus! Here are our suggestions:
- Go a week without showering anyway
- Have a bonfire on Cannon Green with all the other freshmen (Line cut for time)
- Share your meatstick with everyone on campus (Line cut by censors)
- Have all the indoor action you want
- Jump shake your booty with your professors! I’m sorry, I meant jump JUMP shake your booty (Line cut for time)
- Bond over sleeping in uncomfortable and unsanitary conditions – note: this one only works in Wilson College.
- If that doesn’t sound appealing, you could always switch to CA…just kidding, that’d be too lame. (Line cut for time)
- Make sure to ask upperclassmen tough questions about drinking – like what exactly is in Crystal Light that makes it so delicious?
- Bring OA leftovers to the dining hall and enjoy a delicious meal of nutella, gorp, peanut butter, onion, jelly, salmon, and cheese, all wrapped in a tortilla.
- Then head on over to Hoagie Haven and try something even grosser – but of course more delicious.
- After that, you’ll probably need to go troweling. Brown Hall would be an appropriate place. (Line cut for time)
- Hopefully all these activities help you confront stereotypical freshman issues. For instance, if your high school relationship goes south, you can seek comfort in your relationships with your OA groups. And now that you’re back on campus, your OA leaders aren’t off limits anymore.
Pitching a tent for our OA leaders… (Line cut by censors)
Pitching a tent on OA, the Band plays “Bad Romance.”
(Band forms a tent and plays “Bad Romance”)
Run away Band, this is a mandatory evacuation.
(Band runs away)
