Monmouth 2018
Monmouth at Princeton
September 22nd, 2018
Princeton wins 51-9
Pregame:
Giving access to a deranged mind through music, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Cannon Song]
Woodrow Wilson Hall, formerly known as Shadow Lawn, is a $10.5 million-dollar mansion that sits upon Monmouth’s campus. The University lovingly renamed it after the former U.S President when they acquired the building in 1955, purely because he had used it one summer. In 1980, the mansion served as the filming location of Daddy Warbucks’s mansion in the musical film, Annie. Just as Wilson emphasized a competitive environment where all citizens work hard to achieve social mobility and pursue the American dream, Monmouth’s Woodrow Wilson Hall accurately depicts the Princeton’s student’s own dream: to be taken in by a rich daddy. Someone who can give you anything you want, Annie way you want it!
[Band forms a dollar sign and plays Any Way You Want It]
A review posted to the Chicago Tribune called the newest production of Annie “wobbly and unsatisfying,” much like an evening with the Princeton University Band. Do you know what else is wobbly and unsatisfying? Our Double-Double Rotating P!
[Band forms the Double-Double Rotating P and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall]
Run away band, it’s back to the hard knock life.
Halftime:
If this is a figment of my imagination, I’m pretty disappointed that this is the best it can come up with, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Forward March]
Princeton has a massive class problem. No, not that kind of class problem. Academic classes.
As add/drop period comes to a close, we’ve noticed that course topics are getting more and more unusually specific. It seems that we’ve been taking a little too much liberty with the liberal arts; who are we, Brown? Even though it seems that 99% percent of students supported these new classes, the turnout still favored that 1%. There’s nothing worse than checking your email during your summer vacation to find out that newest seminar you were enrolled in has been canceled. Forming the look on your face when you open that email, the Princeton Band now plays Summertime Sadness.
[Band forms a frowny face and plays Summertime Sadness]
We thought it was an awful shame that these classes were canceled without a second thought, so the Princeton University Band would now like to present to you: Classes That Got Canceled by The Registrar. Due to some budgetary mistakes, they almost had to combine the ORFE and biology departments and tried offering Consulting for Literal Snakes. We’re actually so sad they fixed that, it could have been hiss-terical! Unfortunately, ENG320 South American Protofeminist Novels from 1814 to 1817 also got canceled for overwhelming amounts of interest. We’ve also been told that they withdrew Chem 101: Boron for Morons, EEB279: Transportation Biology: Roads for Toads, and a seminar on Alternative Athletic Footwear: Crocs for Jocks. In addition, Pseudoscience 105: Elementary Tea Leaf Reading was canceled for unforeseen circumstances. Sadly, ENG420: Synonyms for Stoners affectionately known as High Definitions and PSY345: Recovering Claustrophics: Thinking Outside of the Box were also canceled. Rounding off our list is a class that could’ve brought a lot of attention to the Religion Department. REL260: Atheism and Other ‘Non-Prophet’ Organizations. Forming the cold, nothingness that comes after death, the Princeton Band plays I’m Not a Believer.
[Band scrambles and stays wherever they land, and plays I’m a Believer.]
Run away band, Judgement Day’s coming.
September 22nd, 2018
Princeton wins 51-9
Pregame:
Giving access to a deranged mind through music, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Cannon Song]
Woodrow Wilson Hall, formerly known as Shadow Lawn, is a $10.5 million-dollar mansion that sits upon Monmouth’s campus. The University lovingly renamed it after the former U.S President when they acquired the building in 1955, purely because he had used it one summer. In 1980, the mansion served as the filming location of Daddy Warbucks’s mansion in the musical film, Annie. Just as Wilson emphasized a competitive environment where all citizens work hard to achieve social mobility and pursue the American dream, Monmouth’s Woodrow Wilson Hall accurately depicts the Princeton’s student’s own dream: to be taken in by a rich daddy. Someone who can give you anything you want, Annie way you want it!
[Band forms a dollar sign and plays Any Way You Want It]
A review posted to the Chicago Tribune called the newest production of Annie “wobbly and unsatisfying,” much like an evening with the Princeton University Band. Do you know what else is wobbly and unsatisfying? Our Double-Double Rotating P!
[Band forms the Double-Double Rotating P and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall]
Run away band, it’s back to the hard knock life.
Halftime:
If this is a figment of my imagination, I’m pretty disappointed that this is the best it can come up with, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Forward March]
Princeton has a massive class problem. No, not that kind of class problem. Academic classes.
As add/drop period comes to a close, we’ve noticed that course topics are getting more and more unusually specific. It seems that we’ve been taking a little too much liberty with the liberal arts; who are we, Brown? Even though it seems that 99% percent of students supported these new classes, the turnout still favored that 1%. There’s nothing worse than checking your email during your summer vacation to find out that newest seminar you were enrolled in has been canceled. Forming the look on your face when you open that email, the Princeton Band now plays Summertime Sadness.
[Band forms a frowny face and plays Summertime Sadness]
We thought it was an awful shame that these classes were canceled without a second thought, so the Princeton University Band would now like to present to you: Classes That Got Canceled by The Registrar. Due to some budgetary mistakes, they almost had to combine the ORFE and biology departments and tried offering Consulting for Literal Snakes. We’re actually so sad they fixed that, it could have been hiss-terical! Unfortunately, ENG320 South American Protofeminist Novels from 1814 to 1817 also got canceled for overwhelming amounts of interest. We’ve also been told that they withdrew Chem 101: Boron for Morons, EEB279: Transportation Biology: Roads for Toads, and a seminar on Alternative Athletic Footwear: Crocs for Jocks. In addition, Pseudoscience 105: Elementary Tea Leaf Reading was canceled for unforeseen circumstances. Sadly, ENG420: Synonyms for Stoners affectionately known as High Definitions and PSY345: Recovering Claustrophics: Thinking Outside of the Box were also canceled. Rounding off our list is a class that could’ve brought a lot of attention to the Religion Department. REL260: Atheism and Other ‘Non-Prophet’ Organizations. Forming the cold, nothingness that comes after death, the Princeton Band plays I’m Not a Believer.
[Band scrambles and stays wherever they land, and plays I’m a Believer.]
Run away band, Judgement Day’s coming.