Penn 1973
Penn at Princeton
October 20th, 1973
Princeton loses 0-24
Ladies and gentlemen, The Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at useless publications.
“Princeton Forward”
The first currently circulating document of dubious distinction is the ROTC report. Commissioned last year to study the military’s one-year extension and to make recommendations for the future, the group pondered…and reviewed…and discussed…and expanded…and condensed. Finally, with the deadline coming and the report not in, action had to be taken. Encouraged by threats of Corporal Punishment, Major Repairs pulled himself away from Private Parts and took pencil in hand to write the report. Containing many modules of mental midgetry, the document was released to an anxious campus, and overwhelmingly approved by General Apathy. The Band salutes the Admiral Work of the committee.
“Anchors Aweigh”
Next the Band turns its sights to 48 University Place, home of our favorite campus higher-priced spread. We are proud to announced publicly for the first time, that several recent articles from The Gaily Printsanything have been selected for inclusion in a new literary anthology entitled: 18 Writing Styles to Avoid. Fully confident that The Prince will exhibit its usual tact and good taste, together with its customary libelous insults and misquotations, the Band reveals the subject of the next dynamic, hard-hitting expose: the politics of leaf collection and ivy clipping. Forming
a) a Yellow Rag, or
b) all the screws The Prince can fit, or
c) a literary litter,
the Band salutes the true utility of The Prince.
“Where Has My Little Dog Gone?”
The Band suggests, however, that the most useless publication is Prospect magazine, published by the Concerned Reactionary Alumni of Princeton. Their commodious office, located on Palmer Square, is so small you have to go outside to change your mind. Fortunately, the editors’ minds are narrow enough to fit through the door. Forming
a) Prospect’s contribution to intelligent discourse, or
b) the factual content of one of the better issues, or
c) Kate Smith singing “God Bless America,”
the Band pays a left-handed compliment to our friends on the right.
“I Got Plenty of Nuttin'”
October 20th, 1973
Princeton loses 0-24
Ladies and gentlemen, The Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at useless publications.
“Princeton Forward”
The first currently circulating document of dubious distinction is the ROTC report. Commissioned last year to study the military’s one-year extension and to make recommendations for the future, the group pondered…and reviewed…and discussed…and expanded…and condensed. Finally, with the deadline coming and the report not in, action had to be taken. Encouraged by threats of Corporal Punishment, Major Repairs pulled himself away from Private Parts and took pencil in hand to write the report. Containing many modules of mental midgetry, the document was released to an anxious campus, and overwhelmingly approved by General Apathy. The Band salutes the Admiral Work of the committee.
“Anchors Aweigh”
Next the Band turns its sights to 48 University Place, home of our favorite campus higher-priced spread. We are proud to announced publicly for the first time, that several recent articles from The Gaily Printsanything have been selected for inclusion in a new literary anthology entitled: 18 Writing Styles to Avoid. Fully confident that The Prince will exhibit its usual tact and good taste, together with its customary libelous insults and misquotations, the Band reveals the subject of the next dynamic, hard-hitting expose: the politics of leaf collection and ivy clipping. Forming
a) a Yellow Rag, or
b) all the screws The Prince can fit, or
c) a literary litter,
the Band salutes the true utility of The Prince.
“Where Has My Little Dog Gone?”
The Band suggests, however, that the most useless publication is Prospect magazine, published by the Concerned Reactionary Alumni of Princeton. Their commodious office, located on Palmer Square, is so small you have to go outside to change your mind. Fortunately, the editors’ minds are narrow enough to fit through the door. Forming
a) Prospect’s contribution to intelligent discourse, or
b) the factual content of one of the better issues, or
c) Kate Smith singing “God Bless America,”
the Band pays a left-handed compliment to our friends on the right.
“I Got Plenty of Nuttin'”
