Penn 1983
Princeton at Penn
October 29th, 1983
Outcome Unknown
Long ago in a galaxy far, far away, in its funny mission to explore the outer limits of humor, to transcend the bounds of New Jersey, vainly seeking out intelligent life in Philadelphia, daring to go where no Band has gone before…The Princeton University Band. You are entering a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. This show starts in the END ZONE.
“Twilight Zone”
Drum Major’s Log–Star Date 10/29/83 Following our rescue of James Watt from a woman, a black, two Jews, and a cripple, our mission sent us through a Crab Nebula of horrors where we encountered a frustrated tribe of Quakerians. In a one-sided battle of wits we were able to outsmart the tribe and their state school of thought. Now on standard course for the Schulkyll system… (siren noises) Red Alert, Red Alert. We’re being driven off course by unknown forces. All systems reverse thrust — we have to pull away! We’re being sucked into a BLACK HOLE!!! Well, at least we’re leaving Philadelphia.
“We Gotta Get Out of this Place” (Band forms a blob which contracts into a black hole)
Though many argue the incomprehensibility of the cosmos, the Band demonstrates its knowledge of the ultimate principles of the universe:
a) We are Star Stuff
b) We all started with a big bang
c) 186,000 miles per second — a speed limit that saves lives
d) is for dog
e) = mc squared, and
f) the Penn band.
“Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” (Band forms a star)
BAND WARS Episode 60 9 lives of the Band Decimated by recent uprisings and midterm break, our heroes, a small Band of rebels, have escaped to a desolate, barren, God-forsaken, worthless, polluted, infested, out-of-the-way planet called Philadelphia. They are without Leia, who has stayed behind to beat off the advancing storm troopers, and Hand Solo, who is already becoming blind from injuries received in the line of duty. Trapped in a Penn of deceit and treachery, our noble heroes must prepare to face their arch-enemy, Darth Censor, who, even as they play, is inching his way toward them on the battlestar SEPTA.
“My Way” (Band forms a concert blob)
(In Darth Vader Voice) “Band, you have gotten away with this week’s show, but I see the clean in you. You will turn to the good side and together we will rule the BIG TEN…It is your destiny.” (Band runs off field) “Go, Band. Flee from me. But I know that you will join me in the end.”
October 29th, 1983
Outcome Unknown
Long ago in a galaxy far, far away, in its funny mission to explore the outer limits of humor, to transcend the bounds of New Jersey, vainly seeking out intelligent life in Philadelphia, daring to go where no Band has gone before…The Princeton University Band. You are entering a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. This show starts in the END ZONE.
“Twilight Zone”
Drum Major’s Log–Star Date 10/29/83 Following our rescue of James Watt from a woman, a black, two Jews, and a cripple, our mission sent us through a Crab Nebula of horrors where we encountered a frustrated tribe of Quakerians. In a one-sided battle of wits we were able to outsmart the tribe and their state school of thought. Now on standard course for the Schulkyll system… (siren noises) Red Alert, Red Alert. We’re being driven off course by unknown forces. All systems reverse thrust — we have to pull away! We’re being sucked into a BLACK HOLE!!! Well, at least we’re leaving Philadelphia.
“We Gotta Get Out of this Place” (Band forms a blob which contracts into a black hole)
Though many argue the incomprehensibility of the cosmos, the Band demonstrates its knowledge of the ultimate principles of the universe:
a) We are Star Stuff
b) We all started with a big bang
c) 186,000 miles per second — a speed limit that saves lives
d) is for dog
e) = mc squared, and
f) the Penn band.
“Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” (Band forms a star)
BAND WARS Episode 60 9 lives of the Band Decimated by recent uprisings and midterm break, our heroes, a small Band of rebels, have escaped to a desolate, barren, God-forsaken, worthless, polluted, infested, out-of-the-way planet called Philadelphia. They are without Leia, who has stayed behind to beat off the advancing storm troopers, and Hand Solo, who is already becoming blind from injuries received in the line of duty. Trapped in a Penn of deceit and treachery, our noble heroes must prepare to face their arch-enemy, Darth Censor, who, even as they play, is inching his way toward them on the battlestar SEPTA.
“My Way” (Band forms a concert blob)
(In Darth Vader Voice) “Band, you have gotten away with this week’s show, but I see the clean in you. You will turn to the good side and together we will rule the BIG TEN…It is your destiny.” (Band runs off field) “Go, Band. Flee from me. But I know that you will join me in the end.”
