penn 1990
Princeton vs. Penn
November 3rd, 1990
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band salutes its favorite politicians.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
The Band has heard that President Bush is going over the desert and through the gulf to visit the soldiers in Saudi Arabia for Thanksgiving. Due to the upcoming election, there is a shortage of turkeys, so the soldiers will be having Quayle instead. Wishing our favorite poultry the best of luck, the Band plays the Penn fight song.
“Hang Jeff” (Band forms a small ‘p’)
In light of the current budget crisis, George Bush knew just what to do: he went on vacation! Saluting Presidential wisdom, the Band forms the:
“Going Back” (Band forms Single-Double Rotating P)
“The Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a pointed look at the dimensions. “Princeton Forward” Dimension Zero: The Point. By far the least of the dimensions, much like Penn, the least of the Ivies. But getting straight to the point, the Band demonstrates its geometric prowess by forming:
a) that broken light on the scoreboard
b) the point of no return
c) the tip of Mr. Spock’s ears
d) the tip of a Penn student’s head
e)
f) the Penn band
Oops. Sorry; they’re pointless. Well, our mothers told us not to point anyways. Saluting one one-thousandth of George Bush’s dream, the Band plays “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.”
“Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” (Band forms a point)
Dimension One: The Line. “What’s cookin’, good lookin’? Wanna shake with a Quaker?” This is an example of a bad line. Demonstrating its one-track mind, the Band forms:
a) a cosmic string
b) the Mason-Dixon line
c) the EEG of your average Penn student
d) the shortest distance between the Band and a beer keg
e) the Band going off on a tangent
f) “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”
“The Lion Sleeps Tonight” (Band forms a line)
Dimension Two: The Plane. Going back and forth gets boring after a while, so it’s nice to throw in the occasional side-to-side. In the immortal words of Tatoo, “Boss, de plane, de plane!” Discovering the second dimension can be a traumatic event in the lives of certain young children, when they go looking for Fluffy, only to find her in the middle of the street — road pizza, that is. Some of our favorite things are even flatter than Fluffy: Joan Rivers’ stomach after liposuction, the Penn band’s jokes, and DEC’s beer.
“Miller Time” (Band forms a plane)
Dimension Three: Space, the final frontier. The Band is always looking for new spaces to fill. There are lots of types of spaces. For example, there’s the space between David Letterman’s teeth, or the space between the Quaker’s ears. The space between Forbes College and campus has plagued many a freshman on his way to his 9:00 at the Equad. Of course, there’s always the Penn band; they’re spaced out. Saluting a three-dimensional Fluffy before her untimely demise, the Band plays “I Can’t Turn You Loose.”
“I Can’t Turn You Loose” (Band forms coordinate axes)
We were going to make a joke about the fourth dimension, but we ran out of time.
November 3rd, 1990
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band salutes its favorite politicians.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
The Band has heard that President Bush is going over the desert and through the gulf to visit the soldiers in Saudi Arabia for Thanksgiving. Due to the upcoming election, there is a shortage of turkeys, so the soldiers will be having Quayle instead. Wishing our favorite poultry the best of luck, the Band plays the Penn fight song.
“Hang Jeff” (Band forms a small ‘p’)
In light of the current budget crisis, George Bush knew just what to do: he went on vacation! Saluting Presidential wisdom, the Band forms the:
- Make reservations in advance,
- Delta is ready when you are,
- Off-season rates are cheaper,
- Children under 12 ride for free,
- Your seat may be used as a flotation device,
- Cable included,
- Round-trip supersaver airfare,
- Check-out time is 11:00 am,
- We love to fly and it shows,
- PUB… the antidote for civilization,
- Sun-block level 69,
- Single-Double Rotating P!
“Going Back” (Band forms Single-Double Rotating P)
“The Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a pointed look at the dimensions. “Princeton Forward” Dimension Zero: The Point. By far the least of the dimensions, much like Penn, the least of the Ivies. But getting straight to the point, the Band demonstrates its geometric prowess by forming:
a) that broken light on the scoreboard
b) the point of no return
c) the tip of Mr. Spock’s ears
d) the tip of a Penn student’s head
e)
f) the Penn band
Oops. Sorry; they’re pointless. Well, our mothers told us not to point anyways. Saluting one one-thousandth of George Bush’s dream, the Band plays “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.”
“Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” (Band forms a point)
Dimension One: The Line. “What’s cookin’, good lookin’? Wanna shake with a Quaker?” This is an example of a bad line. Demonstrating its one-track mind, the Band forms:
a) a cosmic string
b) the Mason-Dixon line
c) the EEG of your average Penn student
d) the shortest distance between the Band and a beer keg
e) the Band going off on a tangent
f) “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”
“The Lion Sleeps Tonight” (Band forms a line)
Dimension Two: The Plane. Going back and forth gets boring after a while, so it’s nice to throw in the occasional side-to-side. In the immortal words of Tatoo, “Boss, de plane, de plane!” Discovering the second dimension can be a traumatic event in the lives of certain young children, when they go looking for Fluffy, only to find her in the middle of the street — road pizza, that is. Some of our favorite things are even flatter than Fluffy: Joan Rivers’ stomach after liposuction, the Penn band’s jokes, and DEC’s beer.
“Miller Time” (Band forms a plane)
Dimension Three: Space, the final frontier. The Band is always looking for new spaces to fill. There are lots of types of spaces. For example, there’s the space between David Letterman’s teeth, or the space between the Quaker’s ears. The space between Forbes College and campus has plagued many a freshman on his way to his 9:00 at the Equad. Of course, there’s always the Penn band; they’re spaced out. Saluting a three-dimensional Fluffy before her untimely demise, the Band plays “I Can’t Turn You Loose.”
“I Can’t Turn You Loose” (Band forms coordinate axes)
We were going to make a joke about the fourth dimension, but we ran out of time.
