Penn 2002
Penn at Princeton
November 9th, 2002
Princeton loses 13-44
Pregame:
Reeeeecola! It’s the Princeton University Band!
“Cannon"
The recent elections across the country contained many strange and unusual things on the ballot. And the propositions were weird too. Here are some propositions you probably didn’t catch on the ballot. (a) Dead people will get 2 votes instead of only 1 (b) Resolved: The terrorists have already won (c) Legalize the use of Crack Cocaine for medicinal purposes (d) Allow tag team Senate campaigning in New Jersey (e) Toughen the penalty for political ethics violations by mandating a slap on the wrist (f) The Penn Band Forming a small P for propositions, the Band says, nice pants, wanna come back to our place?
(Band forms small ‘p’ and plays “Fight on Pennsylvania”)
And now, after eating such cereals as:
It’s the Double Double Rotating P!
(Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the playing of our national anthem. “Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Go-Go Gadget Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
The University’s recent proposal for a four-year college system has left us wondering exactly how the new residential colleges will fulfill the needs of upperclassmen.
Forming a sweet piece of tail, the band says, gimme some residential college lovin’.
(Band forms an ass and plays “Gimme Some Lovin'”)
The new residential college system isn’t the only change that may happen soon. The U-Store wants in on the action. If it were bought by Wal-Mart, who knows what might happen?
Forming a target, the band says, William, Tell’em about our lower prices.
(Band forms a target and plays “William Tell Overture”) (Wal-Mart smiley face in center flips over to a red Target center)
With so much commercialism on TV these days, we were thinking that the University should produce some wholesome television shows for children.
Forming the joys and toys of reading, the band says, “You don’t have to take our word for it.”
(Band forms an open book with a rainbow and plays “Centerfold”)
Yo Band! Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Prospect Street?
November 9th, 2002
Princeton loses 13-44
Pregame:
Reeeeecola! It’s the Princeton University Band!
“Cannon"
The recent elections across the country contained many strange and unusual things on the ballot. And the propositions were weird too. Here are some propositions you probably didn’t catch on the ballot. (a) Dead people will get 2 votes instead of only 1 (b) Resolved: The terrorists have already won (c) Legalize the use of Crack Cocaine for medicinal purposes (d) Allow tag team Senate campaigning in New Jersey (e) Toughen the penalty for political ethics violations by mandating a slap on the wrist (f) The Penn Band Forming a small P for propositions, the Band says, nice pants, wanna come back to our place?
(Band forms small ‘p’ and plays “Fight on Pennsylvania”)
And now, after eating such cereals as:
- Honey Bunches of Quakers
- Quaker Quakers
- Lucky Quakers
- Special Quakers
- Cream of Quaker
- Shredded Quaker
- Cracklin Quaker Bran
- Captain Quaker
- Alpha Quakers
- Quaker Pops
- Quaker O’s
- Quaker Flakes
- Quaker Puffs
- Nut ‘n’ Quakers
- Raisin Quaker
It’s the Double Double Rotating P!
(Band forms Double Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the playing of our national anthem. “Star Spangled Banner”
Halftime
Go-Go Gadget Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
The University’s recent proposal for a four-year college system has left us wondering exactly how the new residential colleges will fulfill the needs of upperclassmen.
- Each residential college will install a taproom… but fail to get a liquor license
- The Prospect 11 will be replaced by the Residential 6
- The Queer Radicals and potheads will flock to Mathey F. College
- Engineers who would have signed into Charter will go to Forbes instead because it’s closer
- Residential colleges will close during Parents’ Weekend
- Cannon Club will reopen as the 7th residential college
- Hookups will be way more convenient because students will already be home
Forming a sweet piece of tail, the band says, gimme some residential college lovin’.
(Band forms an ass and plays “Gimme Some Lovin'”)
The new residential college system isn’t the only change that may happen soon. The U-Store wants in on the action. If it were bought by Wal-Mart, who knows what might happen?
- The U-Store’s new slogan would be, “Always High Prices, Honest”
- U-Store employees would all wear smocks.
- The Prince building would become a Sam’s club, finally putting the staff’s talents to good use.
- Employees would wear name tags saying, “How may I service you and all nations”?
- Some students could live in Wal-Mart shopping carts. Freshmen assigned to Butler singles rejoice.
- But eventually, Target will move into Blair and drive the Walmart owned U-Store out of business.
Forming a target, the band says, William, Tell’em about our lower prices.
(Band forms a target and plays “William Tell Overture”) (Wal-Mart smiley face in center flips over to a red Target center)
With so much commercialism on TV these days, we were thinking that the University should produce some wholesome television shows for children.
- Squirrels fly off the top of Blair Hall in “Rocky and Matheywinkle”
- Children learn about the dangers of alcohol in “Prospect Street,” brought to you by the letters I, F, an’ V.
- John Nash talks to imaginary numbers on “Square Root of -1”
- Freshmen boys and senior engineers crawl around in search of play in “Rugrats”
- Children discover the dangers of Dinky surfing in “Transformers”
- Sororities have contests on the Nickelodeon favorite, “Girls Gone Wild and Crazy Kids”
- LGBT student services teaches about the joys and toys of reading on “Reading Rainbow”
Forming the joys and toys of reading, the band says, “You don’t have to take our word for it.”
(Band forms an open book with a rainbow and plays “Centerfold”)
Yo Band! Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Prospect Street?
