penn 2005
Princeton at Penn
November 5th, 2005
Princeton wins 30-13
Pregame
Convulsing onto the field, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Cannon)
It turns out Penn was renting its land from the Pennsylvania government, and after their humiliating loss to Brown, the government isn’t renewing the lease. We thought we’d suggest a few possible sites for relocation.
Forming a small “p” for the places you’ll go, the Band plays “Fight On, Pennsylvania”
(Fight On, Pennsylvania)
And Now… Crossing the Rubicon Casting the die Bewaring the Ides of March Making our horses senators Fiddling while Rome burns Conquering the known world Feeding Christians to the lions Providing bread and circuses Being assassinated by the praetorian guard Triumvirating Dressing up like Hercules Building lots of aqueducts And invading Transalpine Gaul Because ALL roads lead to the Double Double Rotating P!
(Going Back)
Run away, band, it’s lead poisoning and overexpansion!
Halftime
Being indicted for obstruction of justice, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Princeton Forward)
With all the crime in the government right now, it seems that many politicians could use some advice on how to survive prison. And if there is anything the Band knows, it’s prison. So listen up, Libby! Don’t dilly-dally, Delay! Here are a few pointers:
Looks like the only BAR you guys will be passing for a while has a padlock on it. Forming political disarray, the Band plays “Jailhouse Rock”.
(Jailhouse Rock)
Recently, the Philadelphia Transit system workers went on strike. The inevitable question is “why?” The unions’ decision is based on many factors:
Can’t get your normal bus? The cabbies say “Hold on, They’re Comin'”
(Hold On, I’m Comin’)
Run away, Band! It’s NYU security, and they want our conductor!
November 5th, 2005
Princeton wins 30-13
Pregame
Convulsing onto the field, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Cannon)
It turns out Penn was renting its land from the Pennsylvania government, and after their humiliating loss to Brown, the government isn’t renewing the lease. We thought we’d suggest a few possible sites for relocation.
- Bottom of the Garnd Canyon
- Chernobyl — Penn students will fit right in!
- Gaza Strip — Israel informs us it’s open for resettlement
- Capitol Hill — not much left there to screw up
- Korean DMZ — safer than Philadelphia
- Sea World — heh…just like your transcripts!
Forming a small “p” for the places you’ll go, the Band plays “Fight On, Pennsylvania”
(Fight On, Pennsylvania)
And Now… Crossing the Rubicon Casting the die Bewaring the Ides of March Making our horses senators Fiddling while Rome burns Conquering the known world Feeding Christians to the lions Providing bread and circuses Being assassinated by the praetorian guard Triumvirating Dressing up like Hercules Building lots of aqueducts And invading Transalpine Gaul Because ALL roads lead to the Double Double Rotating P!
(Going Back)
Run away, band, it’s lead poisoning and overexpansion!
Halftime
Being indicted for obstruction of justice, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Princeton Forward)
With all the crime in the government right now, it seems that many politicians could use some advice on how to survive prison. And if there is anything the Band knows, it’s prison. So listen up, Libby! Don’t dilly-dally, Delay! Here are a few pointers:
- Flirt with the gaurds — but not too much
- Create a stock exchange based on cigarettes. Watch out for insider trading amongst your fellow inmates
- There’s never enough toilet paper — learn to reuse
- Remove the “I Hate Blacks and Hispanics” tattoo from your chest
- There is no point in uncovering the undercover guards
- For help with your case, write your congressman… oh wait
- Orange juice can be fermented into an excellent cognac substitute
- Custom-tailored jumpsuits may not be the best use of your financial resources
- When asked what you do on the outside, downplay the “tough on crime” stance
Looks like the only BAR you guys will be passing for a while has a padlock on it. Forming political disarray, the Band plays “Jailhouse Rock”.
(Jailhouse Rock)
Recently, the Philadelphia Transit system workers went on strike. The inevitable question is “why?” The unions’ decision is based on many factors:
- Conductors upset about proposal to replace trains with ricksaws
- Tired of being paid in cheesesteak
- Want to change name from “SEPTA” to “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang”
- City’s new amphibious buses turned out to be not-so-amphibious
- Health Care package consisted of band-aids and a bottle of aspirin
- Fear of terrorist acts perpetrated by disgruntled 76ers fans
- Uniform includes bridle and stirrups
- That one guy on the number 54 bus won’t stop reciting Leviticus
- Wanted more free time to search for Benjamin Franklin’s buried treasure. Yarrr!
- Do you want to drive a bus through downtown Philly?
- Local taxi companies “double-dog” dared them.
Can’t get your normal bus? The cabbies say “Hold on, They’re Comin'”
(Hold On, I’m Comin’)
Run away, Band! It’s NYU security, and they want our conductor!