Penn 2007
Princeton at Penn
November 3rd, 2007
Princeton loses 0-7
Pregame
Not specifically prohibited by the Geneva Convention, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band scrambles on]
A recent survey by travel and leisure magazine named Philadelphia as one of the least stylish, least active, least friendly and least worldly cities in the US. This seemed a little harsh to us, since we know Philadelphia has many outstanding characteristics.
Forming a ‘p’ for Pittsburgh, the band plays “Fight Fight Fight!”
[Band forms ‘p’, plays “Fight Fight Fight”]
And now… Spanish donkey Iron maiden The rack Waterboarding Chinese-water torture Thumb screws Barbara Streisand Crucifixion Pillory Violin of shame Sleep deprivation Disembowelment Drawing and quartering Keel-hauling Squassation Living in philadelphia Rat excitation And the double-double-rotating P!
[Band forms P, plays Going Back]
Run away band, here comes another form of torture!
Halftime
At least we remembered to wear pants, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band scrambles on]
Word on the street is that Penn has launched a new 3.6 billion dollar fundraising campaign. We just happen to have a few suggestions for where that money could go:
But we all know what they’re really going to spend it on.
[Band forms shotglass, plays “Tequila”]
As part of an attempt to broaden its appeal, the NFL recently staged the first-ever professional football game outside of North America. Naturally, this has left other less-popular sports scrambling for new ways to increase their market share.
Forming the rules of cricket, the band plays “Anyway You Want It”
[Band forms randomness, plays “AYWI”]
Run away Band, or you’re toast!
November 3rd, 2007
Princeton loses 0-7
Pregame
Not specifically prohibited by the Geneva Convention, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band scrambles on]
A recent survey by travel and leisure magazine named Philadelphia as one of the least stylish, least active, least friendly and least worldly cities in the US. This seemed a little harsh to us, since we know Philadelphia has many outstanding characteristics.
- It was prominently featured in Rocky IV
- It has many examples of beautiful graffiti
- It boasts the highest nationwide rate of brotherly love, except for San Francisco
- The Delaware river is one of the most beautiful open sewers in America
- It’s way better than Camden
- It has an ample supply of gentlemen’s clubs
- It has the most liberty bells of any city
- It has the second-most Ivy-league schools of any city in Pennsylvania, after Pittsburgh
Forming a ‘p’ for Pittsburgh, the band plays “Fight Fight Fight!”
[Band forms ‘p’, plays “Fight Fight Fight”]
And now… Spanish donkey Iron maiden The rack Waterboarding Chinese-water torture Thumb screws Barbara Streisand Crucifixion Pillory Violin of shame Sleep deprivation Disembowelment Drawing and quartering Keel-hauling Squassation Living in philadelphia Rat excitation And the double-double-rotating P!
[Band forms P, plays Going Back]
Run away band, here comes another form of torture!
Halftime
At least we remembered to wear pants, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band scrambles on]
Word on the street is that Penn has launched a new 3.6 billion dollar fundraising campaign. We just happen to have a few suggestions for where that money could go:
- Books without pictures
- A varsity jello-wrestling pit
- Oatmeal
- A giant fence between Penn and the rest of Philadelphia
- Love. That much money can buy love
- A pony for every student
- 50 billion superballs
- Pay all the other ivy-league schools to pretend to like you
But we all know what they’re really going to spend it on.
[Band forms shotglass, plays “Tequila”]
As part of an attempt to broaden its appeal, the NFL recently staged the first-ever professional football game outside of North America. Naturally, this has left other less-popular sports scrambling for new ways to increase their market share.
- Baseball has gotten rid of the Red Sox
- Curling replaced brooms, stones and gloves with pucks, sticks, and pads, but for some reason still can’t find an audience outside of Canada
- Golf has added kill-saws to the greens
- The Tour-De-France introduced regulations to ensure that all riders are using the same amounts of performance enhancing drugs
- The Kentucky Derby has replaced horses with pogo sticks. Jockeys are reported to be upset, yet oddly pleased
- The tennis governing commission has informed Roger Federer that he’s only allowed to be that good after recovering from testicular cancer
- The two-man luge has added a woman
- Dog fighting is now including new breeds, the first shih-tzu versus poodle match is scheduled for next month
- The International Cricket Board has decided to stop pretending to understand the rules, and just told the players to make stuff up
Forming the rules of cricket, the band plays “Anyway You Want It”
[Band forms randomness, plays “AYWI”]
Run away Band, or you’re toast!
