penn 2008
Penn at Princeton
November 8th, 2008
Princeton loses 9-14
Pregame
Hello, ma’am? Is your Band running? Then you’d better go catch it! It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band scrambles onto the field]
Recently, Proposition 8 was passed in California, causing outrage among the gay community. However, a lot of resolutions were passed in other states that were not as publicized, yet are just as outrageous. For example:
Forming a little p for “proposition”, the Band plays “Fight On, Pennsylvania”.
[Band forms little p, plays Fight On Pennsylvania]
And now: Tequila Mockingbird The Catcher and the Pitcher in the Rye Celcius 282.6 Heather Has Two Mommies Where’s Waldo? No, really, we haven’t seen him in weeks The Berenstein Bears Severely Maul a Hiker Why Mommy’s mad at you every month Horton hears a Who’s your daddy? Where The Wild Things Shouldn’t Go Goodnight, Mooning The Orange Plaid of Courage The Princess and the Double-Double Rotating P!!
[Band forms Double-Double Rotating P, plays Going Back]
Run away, Band! The Penn Band is here. And they’re not very funny. At all.
Halftime
Holding out for an appointment to the office of Secretary of Defense, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches out playing Princeton Forward]
With the election decided on Tuesday and Barack Obama emerging as the winner, we’ve finally seen the end of a long, hard road to the presidency. However, the campaign for 2012 is looking like it will be even more long-winded, as many candidates have already began to face controversy in their bid for their party’s nomination. For example:
And of course, Sarah Palin will be running again, this time for the top spot. Forming a magazine, the Band suggests a new type of campaign ad and plays “Centerfold”.
[Band forms magazine, plays “Centerfold”]
Recently, the Philadelphia Phillies have won the World Series, and Philadelphia has erupted in celebration. Envious of the Philadelphia parade, other cities across the world have started having parades of their own to boost morale and productivity. For example, parades are being thrown to celebrate momentous events such as:
However, while the parades of the other cities are entirely joyful, the parade in Philadelphia is held with heavy hearts, as residents know that the University of Pennsylvania still plagues them. Forming the continued existence of UPenn, the Band plays “Darn it”
[Band forms Penn crest, plays “Dammit”]
Will the owner of the orange plaid van please report to the parking lot? Your van is being towed.
November 8th, 2008
Princeton loses 9-14
Pregame
Hello, ma’am? Is your Band running? Then you’d better go catch it! It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band scrambles onto the field]
Recently, Proposition 8 was passed in California, causing outrage among the gay community. However, a lot of resolutions were passed in other states that were not as publicized, yet are just as outrageous. For example:
- Alaska passes a bill banning convicted felons from holding public office. Oh wait..
- South Carolina passed a bill banning things that end in “rinceton University Band”
- New York passes a resolution banning escorts that cost more than $2,000. Seriously, these bankers are strapped for cash.
- Florida passes a bill banning people under the age of 65
- Main passes a bill banning people from getting haircuts
- Connecticut passes a bill banning New Haven
- Utah bans monogamy
- Texas passes a bill banning hats smaller than 10 gallons
Forming a little p for “proposition”, the Band plays “Fight On, Pennsylvania”.
[Band forms little p, plays Fight On Pennsylvania]
And now: Tequila Mockingbird The Catcher and the Pitcher in the Rye Celcius 282.6 Heather Has Two Mommies Where’s Waldo? No, really, we haven’t seen him in weeks The Berenstein Bears Severely Maul a Hiker Why Mommy’s mad at you every month Horton hears a Who’s your daddy? Where The Wild Things Shouldn’t Go Goodnight, Mooning The Orange Plaid of Courage The Princess and the Double-Double Rotating P!!
[Band forms Double-Double Rotating P, plays Going Back]
Run away, Band! The Penn Band is here. And they’re not very funny. At all.
Halftime
Holding out for an appointment to the office of Secretary of Defense, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches out playing Princeton Forward]
With the election decided on Tuesday and Barack Obama emerging as the winner, we’ve finally seen the end of a long, hard road to the presidency. However, the campaign for 2012 is looking like it will be even more long-winded, as many candidates have already began to face controversy in their bid for their party’s nomination. For example:
- Amy Gutmann has declared that she will be running under the Know-Nothing party. However, it has recently been revealed that she knows at least 2 things.
- Paris Hilton will run for the Pink Party nomination, but because she’ll only be 31, she will be forced to accept a seat in the Senate.
- Chuck Norris has already began to run his daunting “Roundhouse Kicks Across America” campaign
- Lucky the Leprechaun was going to throw his hat into the ring when it was revealed that he was born in Ireland. Count Chocula is now the lead candidate.
- Tom Cruise will run on a platform promising liberation from the clutches of Xenu
- Martha Stewart will run to change the White House into the Ivory House… And to pardon herself at the end of her term
- The Green Party will be trying to put yet another Bush in the White House. A nice azalea, in fact…
And of course, Sarah Palin will be running again, this time for the top spot. Forming a magazine, the Band suggests a new type of campaign ad and plays “Centerfold”.
[Band forms magazine, plays “Centerfold”]
Recently, the Philadelphia Phillies have won the World Series, and Philadelphia has erupted in celebration. Envious of the Philadelphia parade, other cities across the world have started having parades of their own to boost morale and productivity. For example, parades are being thrown to celebrate momentous events such as:
- Detroit celebrates 14 consecutive minutes without a mugging
- Washington, D.C. will honor the great new politicians coming in, such as New Mexico’s Martin Heinrich
- New York will commemorate their new $700 billion bonus package
- Charleston, South Carolina celebrates the end of Reconstruction from the battle of the Avenue of Remembrance
- Tehran will celebrate the election of the first Muslim U.S. President Barack Obama
- Paris will celebrate the first time that half their residents have taken a shower within 2 days
- Beijing celebrates Olympic gold medal gymnast He Kexin’s 12th birthday
- Wasila, Alaska will celebrate getting back their wonderful governor, Sarah Palin
However, while the parades of the other cities are entirely joyful, the parade in Philadelphia is held with heavy hearts, as residents know that the University of Pennsylvania still plagues them. Forming the continued existence of UPenn, the Band plays “Darn it”
[Band forms Penn crest, plays “Dammit”]
Will the owner of the orange plaid van please report to the parking lot? Your van is being towed.