Penn 2010
Penn at Princeton
November 6, 2010
Princeton loses 10-52
Pregame:
Seizing control of Congress, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles onto the field)
The Band was disappointed to see Meg Whitman lose the California gubernatorial race despite spending 140 million dollars of her personal money. Since a contribution of 30 million dollars was enough to get Whitman College named after Ms. Whitman, the Band can think of a few ways that her money could have been better spent fixing things up on Princeton’s campus:
(Band forms a little P and plays Fight On Pennsylvania)
And now, Naughty witch, Naughty nurse, Naughty police officer, Naughty referee, Naughty ghost, Naughty walrus, Naughty hippopotamus, Naughty sperm whale, Naughty dinosaur, Naughty Dumbledore, Naughty Voldemort, Naughty grandma, Naughty Hitler, Naughty Obama, Naughty mermaid, Naughty fish, Naughty rock, Naughty Nassau Hall, Naughty Shirley Temple, Naughty Shirley Tilghman, Naughty pudding, Naughty Dean Dunne, Naughty Robert George, Naughty Cornel West, Naughty Dean Malkiel, Naughty Dean Malkiel’s dog, And a Double-double rotating Naughty pumpkin!
(Band forms the DDRP and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall)
And now, please rise for the playing of our National Anthem
(Band plays Star Spangled Banner)
Run Away Band, the football team wants to use the band field.
Halftime:
Whipping our hair back and forth, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches onto the field, plays Princeton Forward March)
The University of Pennsylvania recently accepted a new sorority onto campus – Alpha Sigma Sigma. The sisters of A-Sig soon became well-known for their rigorous pledge process, requiring many things that Penn students normally aren’t asked to do, such as:
Celebrating sisterly love, the Band forms one cup and plays What is Love?
(Band forms a teacup and Kristen and Sverdy dance in the middle, plays What is Love?)
The election for governor of New York has been sparking public interest with such buzz-worthy candidates as Jimmy McMillan of The Rent Is Too Damn High Party. The Band has decided to throw our boater hat into the ring as well. As governor of New York, the Band would:
Forming a cardboard box time machine to take us back to Election Day, the Band plays Time Warp.
(Band forms a box, plays Time Warp)
Run Away Band, I’m 6’5″, 220 pounds, and there are two of me.
November 6, 2010
Princeton loses 10-52
Pregame:
Seizing control of Congress, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles onto the field)
The Band was disappointed to see Meg Whitman lose the California gubernatorial race despite spending 140 million dollars of her personal money. Since a contribution of 30 million dollars was enough to get Whitman College named after Ms. Whitman, the Band can think of a few ways that her money could have been better spent fixing things up on Princeton’s campus:
- Demolish Dodge-Osborne and build an exact replica of Hogwarts.
- Hire an army of bodybuilders to lift Forbes and move it closer to campus.
- Soundproof the Frist piano.
- Convert Rockefeller Tower into an nuclear arms silo.
- Upgrade Princeton in Asia to Princeton on Mars.
- Make the north face of Fine Hall look less fugly because no amount of money is enough to make the whole building less fugly.
- Convert Frist into the Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.
- Equip every bathroom on campus with two - no – three - no – FOUR PLY TOILET PAPER!!
(Band forms a little P and plays Fight On Pennsylvania)
And now, Naughty witch, Naughty nurse, Naughty police officer, Naughty referee, Naughty ghost, Naughty walrus, Naughty hippopotamus, Naughty sperm whale, Naughty dinosaur, Naughty Dumbledore, Naughty Voldemort, Naughty grandma, Naughty Hitler, Naughty Obama, Naughty mermaid, Naughty fish, Naughty rock, Naughty Nassau Hall, Naughty Shirley Temple, Naughty Shirley Tilghman, Naughty pudding, Naughty Dean Dunne, Naughty Robert George, Naughty Cornel West, Naughty Dean Malkiel, Naughty Dean Malkiel’s dog, And a Double-double rotating Naughty pumpkin!
(Band forms the DDRP and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall)
And now, please rise for the playing of our National Anthem
(Band plays Star Spangled Banner)
Run Away Band, the football team wants to use the band field.
Halftime:
Whipping our hair back and forth, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches onto the field, plays Princeton Forward March)
The University of Pennsylvania recently accepted a new sorority onto campus – Alpha Sigma Sigma. The sisters of A-Sig soon became well-known for their rigorous pledge process, requiring many things that Penn students normally aren’t asked to do, such as:
- Use the toilet instead of the bushes.
- You may only eat food scooped up by the toast zamboni.
- Attend a professor’s office hours dressed as Ben Franklin. Sexy Naughty Ben Franklin.
- Proudly masquerade as a member of the lamest and most socially awkward student group on campus: the Penn Band.
- Find someone on campus who has a GPA above 2.
- Try to find a winning baseball team in your town. Womp-womp.
- Go to Long John Silver’s and procure a tasty fish taco for your big sister.
- As part of your philanthropy requirement you must volunteer your services to the campus in one of the following ways: Spend three hours helping a Penn senior find the library. Or, spend three seconds helping a fraternity member find happiness.
Celebrating sisterly love, the Band forms one cup and plays What is Love?
(Band forms a teacup and Kristen and Sverdy dance in the middle, plays What is Love?)
The election for governor of New York has been sparking public interest with such buzz-worthy candidates as Jimmy McMillan of The Rent Is Too Damn High Party. The Band has decided to throw our boater hat into the ring as well. As governor of New York, the Band would:
- Declare eminent domain on all of Columbia’s campus.
- Institute a new state-wide health care plan called Band Care. Every New Yorker is entitled to a complimentary box of Band Aids.
- Supply all New Yorkers with lots and lots of Red Bull as part of our new energy bill.
- Declare war on Pennsylvania in response to the threatening existence of the institution of so-called higher learning known as the University of Pennsylvania.
- Throw totally dope tea parties in the Governor’s Mansion. Patterson can bring the coke…a cola, and Spitzer can bring the ho…hos. We just love those cream-filled pastries.
Forming a cardboard box time machine to take us back to Election Day, the Band plays Time Warp.
(Band forms a box, plays Time Warp)
Run Away Band, I’m 6’5″, 220 pounds, and there are two of me.
