Penn 2021
Princeton at Penn
November 20, 2021
Princeton wins 34-14
Pregame:
Oh crab, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band scrambles on]
Our fearless leader, Chloe D. Holland, who is not actually from Holland, has recently been admitted to Penn Medical Center for various injuries. These include:
A) Concussion, from joyriding an orange cart
B) Falling out of a window while dealing out plaids from daddy’s pladdies
C) Whiplash from pogo-sticking too hard down all 132 steps of Blair Arch
D) A broken wrist while nonviolently hitting someone (don’t ask us, we don’t know either)
E) Stomach ache from finishing off a whole fridge of ice cream before move out
F) The Penn Band
Our thoughts are with our glorious President as she recovers. Band forms a Band Aid and plays Living on a Prayer.
[band forms bandaid and plays “living on a prayer”]
Chloe, you have led us well and you’ve been a friend and a facilitator of chaos inspiring us all. Now that social distancing is all but over, we just can’t get enough of you. You’re sweet like the ice cream you feed us. Your hair, your hands, your kilt, oh my! Is it banana half-time?
Forming a single-double rotating C for CHLOE! The Band plays “Every Time We Touch.”
[Band forms “C” and plays “Every Time We Touch”]
Run away Band, we’re heading to Chloe’s for Thanksgiving!
Halftime:
Reporter: Reporting live from the scene–
Quaker: I’m a dork!
Reporter: –It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to “Princeton Forward March”]
Reporter: It’s PUB News here at the University of Pennsylvania, and we’re here to investigate who, exactly, the Penn Quaker is. Let’s ask him!
Quaker: aaAAAaaAAAAaAaaaa. hi im the quaker
Reporter: Ahem. So are you actually a Quaker, or are you just so terrified of Tony the tiger that you can’t stop quaking in your boots?
Quaker: How DARE you!? Pacifism is just a thing I say to lure the prospective students in--they don’t call me THE MURDEROUS QUAKER FOR NOTHING AFTER ALL. MUAHAHAHAAA now you are trapped in my evil lair of evilness while I carry out my horrifying plans
Reporter: your WHAT NOW??
Quaker: I will BURN DOWN PRINCETON WITH MY ARMY OF ARSONISTS FROM ACROSS THE GLOBE.
THEY WILL NEVER SEE ME COMING
Reporter: That's just what you think. Surprise! This whole conversation is currently being broadcast to all of your fans!! Band, form an F for “fire” to tell the world about the Quaker’s several-nation army of arsonists.
[Band forms F and plays “7 Nation Army”]
[siren noises]
Reporter: And here comes Campus safety! Your mascot head will be taken from you and you’ll NEVER get it back!
Quaker: NOOOooooo! Not the head! Please god I need to get my head to live!
Reporter: Sucks for you. Anyway, dear audience, the moral of the story is that the Quaker is still a dork!
The band forms the Quaker’s head and plays “That's the Impression That I Get.”
[band forms a frowny face and plays “the impression that I get”]
[Announcer sign-off]
And now, on behalf of Band President and sheep-lover Chloe Holland; more-invisible than usual conductor Jian Arnold, and pilferer of my room, name, and heart, drummajor Henry Erdman.
And with gratitude to our heavenly hoagie-proffering progenitor and backup backup announcer, Head Manager Misha Kummel, this is your co-announcing compadre from the 81082 in Trinidad, Colorado, Sally Jane Ruybalid; and this is your carton of milk consuming co-announcer of chaos crocodile-alluding Floridaman Hank Ingham.
Signing off the final show of this pandemic-persisting plaid pandemonium that sure as heck plans to be around for the next. Later, gator!
November 20, 2021
Princeton wins 34-14
Pregame:
Oh crab, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band scrambles on]
Our fearless leader, Chloe D. Holland, who is not actually from Holland, has recently been admitted to Penn Medical Center for various injuries. These include:
A) Concussion, from joyriding an orange cart
B) Falling out of a window while dealing out plaids from daddy’s pladdies
C) Whiplash from pogo-sticking too hard down all 132 steps of Blair Arch
D) A broken wrist while nonviolently hitting someone (don’t ask us, we don’t know either)
E) Stomach ache from finishing off a whole fridge of ice cream before move out
F) The Penn Band
Our thoughts are with our glorious President as she recovers. Band forms a Band Aid and plays Living on a Prayer.
[band forms bandaid and plays “living on a prayer”]
Chloe, you have led us well and you’ve been a friend and a facilitator of chaos inspiring us all. Now that social distancing is all but over, we just can’t get enough of you. You’re sweet like the ice cream you feed us. Your hair, your hands, your kilt, oh my! Is it banana half-time?
Forming a single-double rotating C for CHLOE! The Band plays “Every Time We Touch.”
[Band forms “C” and plays “Every Time We Touch”]
Run away Band, we’re heading to Chloe’s for Thanksgiving!
Halftime:
Reporter: Reporting live from the scene–
Quaker: I’m a dork!
Reporter: –It’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to “Princeton Forward March”]
Reporter: It’s PUB News here at the University of Pennsylvania, and we’re here to investigate who, exactly, the Penn Quaker is. Let’s ask him!
Quaker: aaAAAaaAAAAaAaaaa. hi im the quaker
Reporter: Ahem. So are you actually a Quaker, or are you just so terrified of Tony the tiger that you can’t stop quaking in your boots?
Quaker: How DARE you!? Pacifism is just a thing I say to lure the prospective students in--they don’t call me THE MURDEROUS QUAKER FOR NOTHING AFTER ALL. MUAHAHAHAAA now you are trapped in my evil lair of evilness while I carry out my horrifying plans
Reporter: your WHAT NOW??
Quaker: I will BURN DOWN PRINCETON WITH MY ARMY OF ARSONISTS FROM ACROSS THE GLOBE.
THEY WILL NEVER SEE ME COMING
Reporter: That's just what you think. Surprise! This whole conversation is currently being broadcast to all of your fans!! Band, form an F for “fire” to tell the world about the Quaker’s several-nation army of arsonists.
[Band forms F and plays “7 Nation Army”]
[siren noises]
Reporter: And here comes Campus safety! Your mascot head will be taken from you and you’ll NEVER get it back!
Quaker: NOOOooooo! Not the head! Please god I need to get my head to live!
Reporter: Sucks for you. Anyway, dear audience, the moral of the story is that the Quaker is still a dork!
The band forms the Quaker’s head and plays “That's the Impression That I Get.”
[band forms a frowny face and plays “the impression that I get”]
[Announcer sign-off]
And now, on behalf of Band President and sheep-lover Chloe Holland; more-invisible than usual conductor Jian Arnold, and pilferer of my room, name, and heart, drummajor Henry Erdman.
And with gratitude to our heavenly hoagie-proffering progenitor and backup backup announcer, Head Manager Misha Kummel, this is your co-announcing compadre from the 81082 in Trinidad, Colorado, Sally Jane Ruybalid; and this is your carton of milk consuming co-announcer of chaos crocodile-alluding Floridaman Hank Ingham.
Signing off the final show of this pandemic-persisting plaid pandemonium that sure as heck plans to be around for the next. Later, gator!
