Stetson 2021
Stetson at Princeton
September 25, 2021
Princeton wins 63-0
Pregame:
Oh my furry whiskers, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late! It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to “Princeton Cannon Song”)
One fine spring morning the band was drowsing on the steps of Prospect House, when along came Ron Desantis wearing a waistcoat and a rabbit costume. “Oh no! I’m late!” he cried, frantically looking at his pocket watch. For neither at Harvard nor at Yale (where he got his degrees) did he learn anything of practical use at all, including time management.
Desiring to paint him green and spank him like a disobedient avocado, the band followed him stealthily through the underbrush. Suddenly! He disappeared and the band found ourselves falling down a long, dark, Ron Desantis-shaped hole. When we were pulled out of the hole, we saw a sign that said “Stop 1: Deland, Florida.” Uh oh, here come the Mad Hatters. Their anger is directed at us!
Turning around to see rabbit Ron Desantis again, the Band plays “I Knew You Were Trouble.”
(Band forms bunny face and plays “I Knew You Were Trouble”)
We blow up their supply of hats with phosphorus and now they’re REALLY mad.
(Band forms double double rotating phosphorus atom and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall”)
Run away Band, the madder hatters are out for blood!
Halftime:
Snacking on horse dewormer since before it was cool, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to “Princeton Forward March”)
Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Johnny B. He enrolled in the HATS program in his local town—the High Achieving Talented Students program, where he saw the movie “Water Boy” with Adam Sandler. From then on he knew that what he wanted to do with his life was to be a waterboy for the best football team in the state--Stetson University. But there was a problem. Johnny had to get very, very high to get up the hill Stetson’s field was on. He would huff and puff, his lungs burning as he climbed higher and higher, but when he finally got to the field, oh the sweet relief.
He was such a frequent flier, as they called him, that the team wanted him to get even more involved. So, he put on the hat he was destined for and became Stetson’s mascot. Once on the way to the field, however, he got too high and climbed all the way to heaven. The man up top saw Johnny coming and recognized his hat. Surprised but impressed at just how high Johnny had climbed and how naughty he’d been, the Lord sighed and said “Johnny, be good” and it was
so.
(Band forms a halo and plays “Johnny B. Goode”)
Newly evangelized, John B. decided to venture out into the rest of the state of Florida to see what he had been missing being up so high this whole time. After witnessing a Florida man throw an alligator into a Burger King, and with deadly virus clogging the air, he stumbled across a fellow Florida man. This one lived in a place called Mar-a-Lago and was talking to Ron DeSantis, still in his bunny costume. After hearing headlines like “Florida man eats own face,” Johnny decided he had no choice but to confront them. He was, after all, on a mission from God. So he walked right into Mar-a-Lago and did what he was second-best at: chanting Stetson’s motto. “Go Green, and Fight White!” This was too progressive for the Florida men present, who told him he was not a true patriot. Johnny decided maybe he’d have better reception up north.
The Band forms a snowflake and plays “O Canada.”
(Band forms snowflake and plays O Canada.)
Run away Band, Florida is not a safe space for you!
September 25, 2021
Princeton wins 63-0
Pregame:
Oh my furry whiskers, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late! It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to “Princeton Cannon Song”)
One fine spring morning the band was drowsing on the steps of Prospect House, when along came Ron Desantis wearing a waistcoat and a rabbit costume. “Oh no! I’m late!” he cried, frantically looking at his pocket watch. For neither at Harvard nor at Yale (where he got his degrees) did he learn anything of practical use at all, including time management.
Desiring to paint him green and spank him like a disobedient avocado, the band followed him stealthily through the underbrush. Suddenly! He disappeared and the band found ourselves falling down a long, dark, Ron Desantis-shaped hole. When we were pulled out of the hole, we saw a sign that said “Stop 1: Deland, Florida.” Uh oh, here come the Mad Hatters. Their anger is directed at us!
Turning around to see rabbit Ron Desantis again, the Band plays “I Knew You Were Trouble.”
(Band forms bunny face and plays “I Knew You Were Trouble”)
We blow up their supply of hats with phosphorus and now they’re REALLY mad.
(Band forms double double rotating phosphorus atom and plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall”)
Run away Band, the madder hatters are out for blood!
Halftime:
Snacking on horse dewormer since before it was cool, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on to “Princeton Forward March”)
Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Johnny B. He enrolled in the HATS program in his local town—the High Achieving Talented Students program, where he saw the movie “Water Boy” with Adam Sandler. From then on he knew that what he wanted to do with his life was to be a waterboy for the best football team in the state--Stetson University. But there was a problem. Johnny had to get very, very high to get up the hill Stetson’s field was on. He would huff and puff, his lungs burning as he climbed higher and higher, but when he finally got to the field, oh the sweet relief.
He was such a frequent flier, as they called him, that the team wanted him to get even more involved. So, he put on the hat he was destined for and became Stetson’s mascot. Once on the way to the field, however, he got too high and climbed all the way to heaven. The man up top saw Johnny coming and recognized his hat. Surprised but impressed at just how high Johnny had climbed and how naughty he’d been, the Lord sighed and said “Johnny, be good” and it was
so.
(Band forms a halo and plays “Johnny B. Goode”)
Newly evangelized, John B. decided to venture out into the rest of the state of Florida to see what he had been missing being up so high this whole time. After witnessing a Florida man throw an alligator into a Burger King, and with deadly virus clogging the air, he stumbled across a fellow Florida man. This one lived in a place called Mar-a-Lago and was talking to Ron DeSantis, still in his bunny costume. After hearing headlines like “Florida man eats own face,” Johnny decided he had no choice but to confront them. He was, after all, on a mission from God. So he walked right into Mar-a-Lago and did what he was second-best at: chanting Stetson’s motto. “Go Green, and Fight White!” This was too progressive for the Florida men present, who told him he was not a true patriot. Johnny decided maybe he’d have better reception up north.
The Band forms a snowflake and plays “O Canada.”
(Band forms snowflake and plays O Canada.)
Run away Band, Florida is not a safe space for you!