Yale 1984
Princeton vs. Yale
November 10th, 1984
Outcome Unknown
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at…Cockroaches.
“Princeton Forward”
Cockroaches getting you down? Well, The New York Times reports that a Yale professor has recently developed an earth-shattering breakthrough in entomological passion. Dr. Stuart Schreiber has invented a new synthetic cockroach aphrodisiac which purportedly sends male cockroaches into a frantic phase of “heated sexual frenzies” often lasting over twenty minutes and followed by a fifteen minute “cooling off period.” This is all true, folks. According to Schreiber, the male roaches experience “severe sexual fatigue” and damage to various vital body parts. For years, scientists have been searching for this elusive substance which will no doubt give a whole new meaning to checking in to the roach motel. One Dutch professor raised and dissected 75,000 virgin female cockroaches. But Schreiber, instead of just searching on the Yale campus, put out his feelers into the commercial market and managed to find some young virgins to sacrifice for only a dollar a piece. And you wonder why tuition is going up. Forming a one of those 75,000 cockroaches on the field, the Band plays “Get it On.”
“Get It On” (Band forms a cockroach)
You wake up one morning — something’s not quite right. You want to take out the garbage — for dinner. Suddenly Kafka becomes your favorite author. You feel strangely different — you feel like crawling around in the pantry. Your legs have fallen asleep — all six of them. The idea of buying a virgin female cockroach for a dollar doesn’t seem quite so stupid anymore. Forming Gregor Samsa on the field, the Band reminds you: Metamorphosis. You never think it’ll happen to you.
“I Feel Pretty” (Band forms the same cockroach)
Come with us, as the Band further researches cockroach control…If cockroaches bug you, it’s a Forgon conclusion that you should raise the Black Flag and stage a Raid on their cracks and crevices. In the future, one can use a computer to debug one’s home, Orkin simply seduce roaches away with a No-Pest Strip-tease. And if you still can’t get Rid-a-bugs, sell them to Dr. Schreiber for a dollar a pop. Forming their national emblem, the Band responds to the traditional cries of cockroaches across the country:
“Don’t Tread on Me.” (Band forms the same cockroach again, then does “dead bug” on the field)
“National Emblem March” (While DMs run around with aerosol cans, band yells “RAID” and scurries off the field.)
November 10th, 1984
Outcome Unknown
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at…Cockroaches.
“Princeton Forward”
Cockroaches getting you down? Well, The New York Times reports that a Yale professor has recently developed an earth-shattering breakthrough in entomological passion. Dr. Stuart Schreiber has invented a new synthetic cockroach aphrodisiac which purportedly sends male cockroaches into a frantic phase of “heated sexual frenzies” often lasting over twenty minutes and followed by a fifteen minute “cooling off period.” This is all true, folks. According to Schreiber, the male roaches experience “severe sexual fatigue” and damage to various vital body parts. For years, scientists have been searching for this elusive substance which will no doubt give a whole new meaning to checking in to the roach motel. One Dutch professor raised and dissected 75,000 virgin female cockroaches. But Schreiber, instead of just searching on the Yale campus, put out his feelers into the commercial market and managed to find some young virgins to sacrifice for only a dollar a piece. And you wonder why tuition is going up. Forming a one of those 75,000 cockroaches on the field, the Band plays “Get it On.”
“Get It On” (Band forms a cockroach)
You wake up one morning — something’s not quite right. You want to take out the garbage — for dinner. Suddenly Kafka becomes your favorite author. You feel strangely different — you feel like crawling around in the pantry. Your legs have fallen asleep — all six of them. The idea of buying a virgin female cockroach for a dollar doesn’t seem quite so stupid anymore. Forming Gregor Samsa on the field, the Band reminds you: Metamorphosis. You never think it’ll happen to you.
“I Feel Pretty” (Band forms the same cockroach)
Come with us, as the Band further researches cockroach control…If cockroaches bug you, it’s a Forgon conclusion that you should raise the Black Flag and stage a Raid on their cracks and crevices. In the future, one can use a computer to debug one’s home, Orkin simply seduce roaches away with a No-Pest Strip-tease. And if you still can’t get Rid-a-bugs, sell them to Dr. Schreiber for a dollar a pop. Forming their national emblem, the Band responds to the traditional cries of cockroaches across the country:
“Don’t Tread on Me.” (Band forms the same cockroach again, then does “dead bug” on the field)
“National Emblem March” (While DMs run around with aerosol cans, band yells “RAID” and scurries off the field.)
