Yale 1990
Princeton at Yale
November 10th, 1990
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Puddling onto the field like the Yale bulldog, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at cantaloupes.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
The Princeton University Band is very concerned and shocked about the recent pelting of the Yale band by cantaloupes. We feel tomatoes and rotten eggs would be much more appropriate. The last time we saw the Yale band, we respnded by spouting blood and screaming hideously. Since the Yale band has been decapitated by flying fruit, we’ve decided to play their fight song.
“The Whiffenpoof Song” (Band forms λ)
After a little research studying the remains of the Yale band, we’ve discovered the existence of eighteen bodily fluids. Demonstrating our favorite finds, it’s the
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a cutting look at medicine.
“Princeton Forward”
It’s been a long time since surgery meant drilling holes in people’s skulls to let the evil spirits out. Nowadays people are having holes drilled in their skulls to get hair transplants…and having holes drilled in many other parts of their bodies to get silicon implants. Not wanting to be left out in this day of cosmetic surgery, the Band recently improved our dance steps by getting a lambadamy. Demonstrating our surgically inserted talent, the Band dances the forbidden dance.
“Liberty Bell Tango” (Band forms a scalpel)
Speaking of removing things, Saddam Hussein has been doing his part for separating families worldwide. And anyone who’s undergone this forced kin removal knows just how painful it can be. To ease pain such as this, doctors have been prescribing a number of treatments: there’s Valium, Perkadan, nonoxynol-9, and the ever-popular blow to the back of the head. But in all our searching for that ever-elusive relief, we’ve found only one cure for all that Yales us.
“Tequila” (Band forms glass which slowly drains)
There comes a time when modern medicine can do no more and you need to turn to something stronger: faith healing. John Kennedy Jr. made the small donation of his life savings and, lo and behold, he passed the bar, which makes him the first Kennedy capable of passing a bar. But who needs MCATS and med school when there are legions of gullible, err, faithful, out there just waiting to be relieved of their pain…and their bank accounts. Looking forward to a lucrative new career, the Band says, “Give us $5 million, or we won’t leave the field.”
“When the Saints Go Marching In” (Band forms a dollar sign)
Unfortunately, some things can’t be cured…like the Yale Band.
November 10th, 1990
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
Puddling onto the field like the Yale bulldog, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at cantaloupes.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
The Princeton University Band is very concerned and shocked about the recent pelting of the Yale band by cantaloupes. We feel tomatoes and rotten eggs would be much more appropriate. The last time we saw the Yale band, we respnded by spouting blood and screaming hideously. Since the Yale band has been decapitated by flying fruit, we’ve decided to play their fight song.
“The Whiffenpoof Song” (Band forms λ)
After a little research studying the remains of the Yale band, we’ve discovered the existence of eighteen bodily fluids. Demonstrating our favorite finds, it’s the
- Blood,
- Lymph,
- Bile,
- Sweat,
- Saliva,
- Mucous,
- Phlegm,
- Tears,
- Post-nasal drip,
- Slide spit,
- Transaxle fluid,
- Ear wax,
- Pus,
- Cream of asparagus,
- Cerebral fluid,
- Saline solution,
- Petroleum jelly,
- Amniotic fluid,
- Double-Double Rotating P!
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a cutting look at medicine.
“Princeton Forward”
It’s been a long time since surgery meant drilling holes in people’s skulls to let the evil spirits out. Nowadays people are having holes drilled in their skulls to get hair transplants…and having holes drilled in many other parts of their bodies to get silicon implants. Not wanting to be left out in this day of cosmetic surgery, the Band recently improved our dance steps by getting a lambadamy. Demonstrating our surgically inserted talent, the Band dances the forbidden dance.
“Liberty Bell Tango” (Band forms a scalpel)
Speaking of removing things, Saddam Hussein has been doing his part for separating families worldwide. And anyone who’s undergone this forced kin removal knows just how painful it can be. To ease pain such as this, doctors have been prescribing a number of treatments: there’s Valium, Perkadan, nonoxynol-9, and the ever-popular blow to the back of the head. But in all our searching for that ever-elusive relief, we’ve found only one cure for all that Yales us.
“Tequila” (Band forms glass which slowly drains)
There comes a time when modern medicine can do no more and you need to turn to something stronger: faith healing. John Kennedy Jr. made the small donation of his life savings and, lo and behold, he passed the bar, which makes him the first Kennedy capable of passing a bar. But who needs MCATS and med school when there are legions of gullible, err, faithful, out there just waiting to be relieved of their pain…and their bank accounts. Looking forward to a lucrative new career, the Band says, “Give us $5 million, or we won’t leave the field.”
“When the Saints Go Marching In” (Band forms a dollar sign)
Unfortunately, some things can’t be cured…like the Yale Band.
