Yale 1991
Princeton vs. Yale
November 16th, 1991
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
And now, exploding onto the field with the intensity of a thousand hot suns, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
We have a few questions about an obscure school in New Haven that begins with ‘Y’:
The Band says “Why ask why?”
“The Whiffenpoof Song” (Band forms ‘why’)
But now, in the interest of equal representation, and since Yale students aren’t quite smart enough to figure out why they ended up there, we’ve compiled a list, denoting those qualities that might induce one to go to Yale. and so, presenting the:
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
Halftime
(Band begins playing opening of “Star Trek”)
Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Princeton University Band. It’s four year mission: to exploit strange new drinking policies, to seek out that fine line between clever and stupid, to boldly go where no band has gone before.
“Star Trek” rolls off into “Princeton Forward” (Band marches out as a spaceship, with fire extinguishers in tail)
Uh oh…we’re lost. But wait! There’s a planet below! Look, in the visitor’s stands — it’s life, but not as we know it. Let’s investigate…That’s strange; it looks like New Haven, but it’s clean and there’s no crime, and yale has been replaced with a shopping mall. We must be in Never-Never Land, where all our dreams come true. Every sock has a mate, and every freshman has a date, and look — there’s a serious democratic candidate for president. If this is truly Never-Never Land, we should be able to do anything, even fly. (Band forms ‘FLY’ while Bob the trash member climbs on a ladder) Go ahead, Bob, if you believe in yourself, you can fly! Believe, Bob, believe! (SPLAT. Bob lies still) Gosh, Band, if we applaud hard enough, we can bring him back to life. Clap, Band, clap….forget it. (Band makes ambulance noise “NeeNerNeeNer” while stretcher picks up Bob’s hat) Oh well, I guess it’s time to continue our trek…But what about Bob? (Triangle alums shout “Fuck Bob!”)
“Star Trek: The Next Generation” (Band forms the Enterprise)
My, here’s an oddly-shaped planet; let’s check it out. Excuse me, sir, can you tell us where we are? “East of the Sun, and West of the Moon…” Oh no! We’re on the planet of Triangle alums! Set phasors on discord. Gee, we were going to see your show tonight, despite the outlandish cost. Sorry, in keeping with Triangle’s tradition of openness and non-discrimination, tonight’s performance is for alumni only. Well, that’s all right. The best thing about Triangle is that there are so many roles for women — too bad they’re all played by frustrated men. Saluting 100 years of Triangle’s attempts at writing their own musicals, the Band plays a show tune from a real show.
“Seventy-six Trombones” (Band forms a triangle)
The year is 2001, and the Band still hasn’t fulfilled its four-year mission. But wait, we’re being bombarded by pleasure waves from the planet below. Perhaps this could be the climax of our journey. We’ve detected a large monolith on the planet’s surface. (A large monolith is dragged onto the field)It could be dangerous. Who should we send to investigate? (Band members point at each other.) We’ll send Dave. (Band ejects Dave toward monolith, he examines it)Why, it’s perfectly smooth and pleasingly proportioned…and yet, somehow it seems incomplete. (Keg rises from monolith)Wait! We haven’t seen one of those since Reunions! Is it real?!? There’s only one way to find out…. (Dave climbs monolith and taps keg)
“Thus Spake Zarathustra” (Band forms upside-down ‘Y’ and flashes)
SEE KEG IS REAL ELIS ARE GEEKS TIGERS REIGN!
Open the kegerator doors, Hal.
November 16th, 1991
Outcome Unknown
Pregame
And now, exploding onto the field with the intensity of a thousand hot suns, it’s the Princeton University Band.
“Princeton Cannon Song”
We have a few questions about an obscure school in New Haven that begins with ‘Y’:
- Why do the fans in the Yale stands bear a striking resemblance to the bulldog?
- Why is New Haven?
- For God, for country, but why on Earth for Yale?
- Why does the the bulldog look like it’s been chasing parked cars, and what is it doing rubbing up against the Yalie student?
- Why are there so many songs about rainbows, and what’s on the other side?
- Why are the Whiffen poofs?
The Band says “Why ask why?”
“The Whiffenpoof Song” (Band forms ‘why’)
But now, in the interest of equal representation, and since Yale students aren’t quite smart enough to figure out why they ended up there, we’ve compiled a list, denoting those qualities that might induce one to go to Yale. and so, presenting the:
- Everything you always wanted in a community college, but less,
- They make nice locks,
- See, keg is real,
- Can be used to induce vomiting,
- One out of five dentists recommends it,
- Brightens your whole load,
- It can usually be treated with antibiotics,
- The Yale drum major is only worth sixty points,
- We invited Eli Yale to be with us, but he couldn’t come because he wasn’t feeling himself today!
- It’s the better than Yale, Double-Double Rotating P!
“Going Back” (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P)
Halftime
(Band begins playing opening of “Star Trek”)
Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Princeton University Band. It’s four year mission: to exploit strange new drinking policies, to seek out that fine line between clever and stupid, to boldly go where no band has gone before.
“Star Trek” rolls off into “Princeton Forward” (Band marches out as a spaceship, with fire extinguishers in tail)
Uh oh…we’re lost. But wait! There’s a planet below! Look, in the visitor’s stands — it’s life, but not as we know it. Let’s investigate…That’s strange; it looks like New Haven, but it’s clean and there’s no crime, and yale has been replaced with a shopping mall. We must be in Never-Never Land, where all our dreams come true. Every sock has a mate, and every freshman has a date, and look — there’s a serious democratic candidate for president. If this is truly Never-Never Land, we should be able to do anything, even fly. (Band forms ‘FLY’ while Bob the trash member climbs on a ladder) Go ahead, Bob, if you believe in yourself, you can fly! Believe, Bob, believe! (SPLAT. Bob lies still) Gosh, Band, if we applaud hard enough, we can bring him back to life. Clap, Band, clap….forget it. (Band makes ambulance noise “NeeNerNeeNer” while stretcher picks up Bob’s hat) Oh well, I guess it’s time to continue our trek…But what about Bob? (Triangle alums shout “Fuck Bob!”)
“Star Trek: The Next Generation” (Band forms the Enterprise)
My, here’s an oddly-shaped planet; let’s check it out. Excuse me, sir, can you tell us where we are? “East of the Sun, and West of the Moon…” Oh no! We’re on the planet of Triangle alums! Set phasors on discord. Gee, we were going to see your show tonight, despite the outlandish cost. Sorry, in keeping with Triangle’s tradition of openness and non-discrimination, tonight’s performance is for alumni only. Well, that’s all right. The best thing about Triangle is that there are so many roles for women — too bad they’re all played by frustrated men. Saluting 100 years of Triangle’s attempts at writing their own musicals, the Band plays a show tune from a real show.
“Seventy-six Trombones” (Band forms a triangle)
The year is 2001, and the Band still hasn’t fulfilled its four-year mission. But wait, we’re being bombarded by pleasure waves from the planet below. Perhaps this could be the climax of our journey. We’ve detected a large monolith on the planet’s surface. (A large monolith is dragged onto the field)It could be dangerous. Who should we send to investigate? (Band members point at each other.) We’ll send Dave. (Band ejects Dave toward monolith, he examines it)Why, it’s perfectly smooth and pleasingly proportioned…and yet, somehow it seems incomplete. (Keg rises from monolith)Wait! We haven’t seen one of those since Reunions! Is it real?!? There’s only one way to find out…. (Dave climbs monolith and taps keg)
“Thus Spake Zarathustra” (Band forms upside-down ‘Y’ and flashes)
SEE KEG IS REAL ELIS ARE GEEKS TIGERS REIGN!
Open the kegerator doors, Hal.
