Yale 2000
Princeton at Yale
November 11th, 2000
Princeton wins 19-14
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, we ask you to please rise for a moment of the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
So they don’t know who the next President of the United States will be, and they’ve decided to recount the votes in Florida. Several times. Realizing that this is getting us nowhere, the Band suggests these other ways to decide the next President: Forming an upside-down ‘Y,’ the Band asks ‘Y’ have these elections dragged on so long?
(Band forms an upside-down ‘Y’ and plays “The Whiffenpoof Song”)
And now, it’s the Double-Double Rotating P! (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
Look out, Band! It’s Bill Clinton, and he’s still pressing the flesh!
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, swerving onto the field like George W. Bush on the Maine Turnpike, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
Some people equate Yale with Hell. But we know that’s not true. Hell is much, much better than Yale, and here are some reasons why:
Forming a misleading ballot, the Band asks Yale to stuff it.
(Band forms a misleading ballot and plays “Night Train”)
This fall U.S. News and World Report ranked yale and Hahvahd tied for second place behind — guess who — Princeton. But don’t trust one magazine’s opinion. Here’s what some other magazines have said about yale:
Forming a pinball machine, the Band says, “If you get an extra ball, you’re that much more of a man.”
(Band forms a pinball machine and plays “Jump, Jive, and Wail.” Trash section forms giant flippers and ball; at the end of the song, they hold up a giant sign that says “TILT.”)
Yale, always remember: We don’t like to rub it in, but WE’RE NUMBER ONE AND YOU’RE NOT.
November 11th, 2000
Princeton wins 19-14
Pregame
Ladies and gentlemen, we ask you to please rise for a moment of the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
So they don’t know who the next President of the United States will be, and they’ve decided to recount the votes in Florida. Several times. Realizing that this is getting us nowhere, the Band suggests these other ways to decide the next President: Forming an upside-down ‘Y,’ the Band asks ‘Y’ have these elections dragged on so long?
(Band forms an upside-down ‘Y’ and plays “The Whiffenpoof Song”)
And now, it’s the Double-Double Rotating P! (Band forms Double-Double Rotating P and plays “Going Back”)
Look out, Band! It’s Bill Clinton, and he’s still pressing the flesh!
Halftime
Ladies and gentlemen, swerving onto the field like George W. Bush on the Maine Turnpike, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
Some people equate Yale with Hell. But we know that’s not true. Hell is much, much better than Yale, and here are some reasons why:
- It’s warmer in Hell.
- Hell is safer.
- The bulldog only has one head…Cerberus has three.
- You can’t hear the Yale Band in Hell.
- Hell won’t beg its alumni for money.
- At least the dead have an excuse for their personality.
- Satan breathes fire…the bulldog just poops a lot.
- The Amtrak train to New Haven isn’t as comfortable as the handbasket.
- And in Hell, you don’t need to worry about misleading ballots to know whether your school’s alumnus has been elected president.
Forming a misleading ballot, the Band asks Yale to stuff it.
(Band forms a misleading ballot and plays “Night Train”)
This fall U.S. News and World Report ranked yale and Hahvahd tied for second place behind — guess who — Princeton. But don’t trust one magazine’s opinion. Here’s what some other magazines have said about yale:
- Popular Mechanics says they’re a bunch of tools.
- Consumer Reports advises the immediate recall of yale students, since they may blow out at high speeds.
- The New York Times Crossword describes yale as a four-letter word that starts with “SH.”
- Cosmo lists fifty ways to satisfy the yale man…and they all involve the bulldog.
- The Weekly World News says “Walrus Boy gives birth to three-hundred-pound Elvis impersonator.”
- The National Enquirer reveals a shocking sex scandal: yale student actually has sex. Unfortunately, it’s with a three-hundred-pound Elvis impersonator.
- Mad Libs says that yale sucks plural noun, and Princeton is going to verb them in the noun.
- Martha Stewart Living says yale has a conspicuous lack of doilies.
- Martha Stewart dying says “(choking noises).”
- Ebony Magazine doesn’t mention yale at all.
- And Games magazine says even pinball is more challenging than four years at yale.
Forming a pinball machine, the Band says, “If you get an extra ball, you’re that much more of a man.”
(Band forms a pinball machine and plays “Jump, Jive, and Wail.” Trash section forms giant flippers and ball; at the end of the song, they hold up a giant sign that says “TILT.”)
Yale, always remember: We don’t like to rub it in, but WE’RE NUMBER ONE AND YOU’RE NOT.
