Yale 2004
Princeton at Yale
November 13th, 2004
Princeton loses 21-9
Pregame
Beating it onto the field, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
We’d like to dedicate this pregame show to our venerable President, Ben Elias, who is a perfect example of backward evolution. He has a larger brain at the expense of a smaller clarinet. He also has no opposable thumbs, no tact, no underwear, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. By some freak mutation, he is allergic to denim, non-black shirts, and good movies. Forming an upside-down ‘Y’ for “Y is such a man alive?”, the Band notes that the car covered in John Kerry bumper stickers is looking a little old.
(Band forms an upside-down ‘Y’ and plays “The Whiffenpoof Song”)
And now, with such brilliant turns of phrase as… Thum Mu-zay-um Homomorphism Jinx! One-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine-ten, king jinx! Say what? Jackpot! This game sucks! Who wants to go team stunneling? Yuffie from Final Fantasy 7 Gogo from Kill Bill No one here knows algebra! My brother sells combos to everyone at the movie theater Anyone want to play Boggle? Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start I don’t have opposable thumbs so I can’t use the… Double-Double Rotating Nintendo Controller!
(Band forms Double-Double Rotating Nintendo Controller and plays “Going Back”)
(Ben punches in a cheat code on the quads and sousaphones) Run away, Band! Ben’s rolling down the hill again.
Halftime
With 69% of precincts reporting, we feel confident in projecting the winner in the state of Connecticut… the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
The voters have spoken, and they’ve said, “We’re morons.” No, seriously, folks. 99% of them voted for a Yalie. How sad is that? We at Princeton voted overwhelmingly for “Four More Beers!”, but exit polls nationwide showed a different trend.
But in all seriousness, we’d like to thank the Bush administration for their pledge to provide us with four more years of humor. Because everybody needs somebody to laugh at.
(Band forms a square with “BUSH” and a check mark inside and plays “Everybody Needs Somebody”)
The following joke has such historical significance that it can only be told in… WIDESCREEN!!! Left side… “WOOOOAAAHH” (Left side of square moves to left) Right side… “WOOOOAAAHH” (Right side of square moves to right) America is full of villians. We normally send them to Washington, D.C., but the Yale administration, in their attempt to claw and cheat their way to Number One, has gone one step further. They’re hiring super-villians! The new positions will be as follows:
Forming Yale’s source of spiritual guidance — the Lidless Eye of Sauron — the Band says, “We can see for miles.”
(Band forms the Lidless Eye of Sauron and plays “I Can See For Miles”)
Run away, Band! It’s Dr. Claw, and he’ll get you next time.
November 13th, 2004
Princeton loses 21-9
Pregame
Beating it onto the field, it’s the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Cannon Song”
We’d like to dedicate this pregame show to our venerable President, Ben Elias, who is a perfect example of backward evolution. He has a larger brain at the expense of a smaller clarinet. He also has no opposable thumbs, no tact, no underwear, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. By some freak mutation, he is allergic to denim, non-black shirts, and good movies. Forming an upside-down ‘Y’ for “Y is such a man alive?”, the Band notes that the car covered in John Kerry bumper stickers is looking a little old.
(Band forms an upside-down ‘Y’ and plays “The Whiffenpoof Song”)
And now, with such brilliant turns of phrase as… Thum Mu-zay-um Homomorphism Jinx! One-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine-ten, king jinx! Say what? Jackpot! This game sucks! Who wants to go team stunneling? Yuffie from Final Fantasy 7 Gogo from Kill Bill No one here knows algebra! My brother sells combos to everyone at the movie theater Anyone want to play Boggle? Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start I don’t have opposable thumbs so I can’t use the… Double-Double Rotating Nintendo Controller!
(Band forms Double-Double Rotating Nintendo Controller and plays “Going Back”)
(Ben punches in a cheat code on the quads and sousaphones) Run away, Band! Ben’s rolling down the hill again.
Halftime
With 69% of precincts reporting, we feel confident in projecting the winner in the state of Connecticut… the Princeton University Band!
“Princeton Forward”
The voters have spoken, and they’ve said, “We’re morons.” No, seriously, folks. 99% of them voted for a Yalie. How sad is that? We at Princeton voted overwhelmingly for “Four More Beers!”, but exit polls nationwide showed a different trend.
- Those with purple hearts voted for Kerry… those with no hearts at all voted for Bush.
- Fox News didn’t vote, in an effort to remain fair and balanced.
- The weapons of mass destruction voted for Kerry, but unfortunately their votes could not be found.
- The First Lady didn’t vote, because there were no polling booths in the kitchen.
- Ronald Reagan didn’t vote… because he’s dead.
- And George W. Bush voted for Nader, because he heard that “a vote for Nader is a vote for Bush.”
But in all seriousness, we’d like to thank the Bush administration for their pledge to provide us with four more years of humor. Because everybody needs somebody to laugh at.
(Band forms a square with “BUSH” and a check mark inside and plays “Everybody Needs Somebody”)
The following joke has such historical significance that it can only be told in… WIDESCREEN!!! Left side… “WOOOOAAAHH” (Left side of square moves to left) Right side… “WOOOOAAAHH” (Right side of square moves to right) America is full of villians. We normally send them to Washington, D.C., but the Yale administration, in their attempt to claw and cheat their way to Number One, has gone one step further. They’re hiring super-villians! The new positions will be as follows:
- Dr. Evil will be the new Dean of Admissions, and he’ll raise tuition to one million dollars
- Magneto will direct the Student Computing department
- Darth Vader will teach a class on neo-imperialism
- Doctor Octopus will coach the wrestling team
- Godzilla will be the new Dean of East Asian Studies
- The Wicked Witch of the West will take over the Department of Women’s Studies
- Trogdor will be the chief fire inspector
- And Sauron will be the new Dean of Religious Life… he’s got his eye on YOU.
Forming Yale’s source of spiritual guidance — the Lidless Eye of Sauron — the Band says, “We can see for miles.”
(Band forms the Lidless Eye of Sauron and plays “I Can See For Miles”)
Run away, Band! It’s Dr. Claw, and he’ll get you next time.