Yale 2005
Yale at Princeton
November 12th, 2005
Princeton loses 14-21
Pregame
Attention, shoppers: our special on aisle 8 is the Princeton University Band!
(Cannon)
(To the tune of L-O-V-E) Y is for the way you’ll yell in pain A is all the fans we’ll drive insane L’s that line of blue, that Princeton team will soon crash through E is for the Elis falling, come and hear the tigers calling Yale, the things that we will do to you Yale, you know this pregame show is true Yale won’t last for long Princeton can’t go wrong And now, we’ll play your stupid song!
(Whiffenpoofs song)
And Now… Ending world hunger Saving the whales Curing cancer Single-handedly stopping the avian flu Ending apartheid Eliminating the budget deficit Winning the war on terror Saving the rainforest Warding off global warming Teaching children to read Discovering extraterrestrial life Fixing the hole in the ozone Ending partisan politics Bringing peace to the Middle East Finding Osama Preventing forest fires And Purging the world of genocide It’s the Double-Double Rotating P!
(Going Back)
Halftime
CHAOOOOS! It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Princeton Forward)
God, Class of Aught, has really been sticking it to Yale. Plagues, violence, and assorted mayhem have decended upon New Haven, marring the Connecticut landscape even more than usual. Here are just a few of the terrors taking place:
As the walls come tumbling down, the Band watches God’s wrath and says “I’m a Believer”
(“I’m a Believer”)
George W Bush has finally finished his senior thesis with the help of several friends, a speak and spell, and an army of furbies. It turns out that his thesis is an analysis of several exit strategies from Iraq. We felt the rest of the world should know the plans, too.
What kind of three-ring circus does Bush think he’s running, anyway?!
(“Also Sprach Zarathustra”)
Flashers: A CLOWN THEORY Anagrams to: TORCH YALE NOW Flips to reveal: WE (HEART) PRINCETON
Run away, Band, before Dean Dunne finds out this is a fat girl joke.
November 12th, 2005
Princeton loses 14-21
Pregame
Attention, shoppers: our special on aisle 8 is the Princeton University Band!
(Cannon)
(To the tune of L-O-V-E) Y is for the way you’ll yell in pain A is all the fans we’ll drive insane L’s that line of blue, that Princeton team will soon crash through E is for the Elis falling, come and hear the tigers calling Yale, the things that we will do to you Yale, you know this pregame show is true Yale won’t last for long Princeton can’t go wrong And now, we’ll play your stupid song!
(Whiffenpoofs song)
And Now… Ending world hunger Saving the whales Curing cancer Single-handedly stopping the avian flu Ending apartheid Eliminating the budget deficit Winning the war on terror Saving the rainforest Warding off global warming Teaching children to read Discovering extraterrestrial life Fixing the hole in the ozone Ending partisan politics Bringing peace to the Middle East Finding Osama Preventing forest fires And Purging the world of genocide It’s the Double-Double Rotating P!
(Going Back)
Halftime
CHAOOOOS! It’s the Princeton University Band!
(Princeton Forward)
God, Class of Aught, has really been sticking it to Yale. Plagues, violence, and assorted mayhem have decended upon New Haven, marring the Connecticut landscape even more than usual. Here are just a few of the terrors taking place:
- Professors have been swallowed by the Earth, leaving the Yalis with even less class
- Bulldogs have been driven out by an invasion of bullfrogs.
- The first-born child of every coed is being killed, oh wait, they did that themselves
- Storms of fire and brimstone over New Haven have caused millions of dollars in improvements
- GODZILLA!
- All green plants are dying-all five of them
- Swarms of pigeons are carrying off the homeless
- President Richard Levin turned into a pillar of salt
- In related news, the Bulldog was arrested for public urination, on a pillar of salt
- God replaced Yale’s Tree of Knowledge with Shrub of Ignorance
- All barriers separating Yale from New Haven have crumbled
As the walls come tumbling down, the Band watches God’s wrath and says “I’m a Believer”
(“I’m a Believer”)
George W Bush has finally finished his senior thesis with the help of several friends, a speak and spell, and an army of furbies. It turns out that his thesis is an analysis of several exit strategies from Iraq. We felt the rest of the world should know the plans, too.
- Replace troops with cardboard cutouts
- Click combat boots together three times and say “There’s no place like home”
- Tell the Iraqi provisional government that the soldiers left something in their car
- Use newly-trained “Dancin’ Saddam” to distract locals while soldiers run away
- Walk backwards slowly… very slowly
- Enlist FEMA to airlift the soldiers out… oh wait
- Put all the troops into a tiny windup car and floor it towards Kuwait.
What kind of three-ring circus does Bush think he’s running, anyway?!
(“Also Sprach Zarathustra”)
Flashers: A CLOWN THEORY Anagrams to: TORCH YALE NOW Flips to reveal: WE (HEART) PRINCETON
Run away, Band, before Dean Dunne finds out this is a fat girl joke.
