Yale 2006
Princeton at Yale
November 11th, 2006
Princeton wins 34-31
Pregame
I forgot the come-on line, Band! Run on anyway! Our president Mary Gallery isn’t just an accomplished leader and trumpeter, she’s also going to save the world. Here’s how:
Mary had a little lambda, and it cried like a child when she murdered it. Speaking of things that make children cry, the Band plays Yale’s fight song.
(Band forms lambda and plays “Bulldog”)
And now Arrogant Drunk Egocentric Morbidly obese Loose Keira Knightley Well-endowed Racist Sadistic Dumb as a rock Convicted felon TOTALLY chill about her thesis And Really happy, It’s the Double-Double-Rotating-Sad-Mary-Face
Run away, Band, before Mary makes you taste beer!
Halftime
You must conceive before you believe the Princeton University Band!
(Princeton Forward)
Yale student Aleksei Vayner is clearly too amazing for words, which must be why he created his own promotional video: to show the world his unparalleled talents. Being the humble guy that he is, though, he omitted several of his more astounding achievements. What else did Vayner do, you ask? Well, he
Forming a flux capacitor, the Band plays “Back to the Future”
(Band forms flux capacitor and plays “Back to the Future”)
So Yale just blew over $20 million restoring the Yale Bowl, and it’s still a piece of junk. Here’s what the space SHOULD have been used for:
Nevermind, just tear it down and give everyone a better view of scenic New Haven. Forming the rubble of the Yale Bowl, the Band plays “I Can See for Miles”
(Band forms rubble and plays “I Can see for Miles”)
Run away, Band! It’s Handsome Dan and he has to pee!
November 11th, 2006
Princeton wins 34-31
Pregame
I forgot the come-on line, Band! Run on anyway! Our president Mary Gallery isn’t just an accomplished leader and trumpeter, she’s also going to save the world. Here’s how:
- Solving hunger by killing all the poor children
- Bringing peace to the Middle East by introducing Disneyland-Jerusalem
- Lowering the crime rate by blowing up Chicago
- Solving the AIDS crisis by making war, not love.
- Eliminating alcoholism by drinking all of your booze
- Making the world a better place by destroying the Princeton University Band
Mary had a little lambda, and it cried like a child when she murdered it. Speaking of things that make children cry, the Band plays Yale’s fight song.
(Band forms lambda and plays “Bulldog”)
And now Arrogant Drunk Egocentric Morbidly obese Loose Keira Knightley Well-endowed Racist Sadistic Dumb as a rock Convicted felon TOTALLY chill about her thesis And Really happy, It’s the Double-Double-Rotating-Sad-Mary-Face
Run away, Band, before Mary makes you taste beer!
Halftime
You must conceive before you believe the Princeton University Band!
(Princeton Forward)
Yale student Aleksei Vayner is clearly too amazing for words, which must be why he created his own promotional video: to show the world his unparalleled talents. Being the humble guy that he is, though, he omitted several of his more astounding achievements. What else did Vayner do, you ask? Well, he
- Roundhouse kicked Chuck Norris
- Beat Deep Blue in four moves
- Knows every digit of pi
- Stared at a Rubik’s cube until is solved itself
- Drop-kicked Pluto out of the solar system because it was ticking him off
- DIDN’T do as Samuel L. Jackson said and lived
- Brought balance to the force
- Became life-coach to Pope Benedict XVI
- He’s the Juggernaut… Yale
- You know the last Romanov, Anastasia? She’s his bitch
- Got a 2400 on the SAT… the OLD SAT
- Built a time machine so that he could travel back in time and beat up Hitler
Forming a flux capacitor, the Band plays “Back to the Future”
(Band forms flux capacitor and plays “Back to the Future”)
So Yale just blew over $20 million restoring the Yale Bowl, and it’s still a piece of junk. Here’s what the space SHOULD have been used for:
- Staging mock naval battles
- World’s biggest Ball Pit
- Housing refugees from New Haven
- An enormous litter box
- Record-Shattering bowl of Froot Loops
- Ritualistic sacrifice of the destitute
- Turn it into a really cool fort!
- Three words: Hungry. Hungry. Hippos.
- Feeding religion majors to the lions.
- George W. Bush Presidential Library… oh wait… he can’t read
- Storage facility for Yale’s inferiority complex
- Worst. Ski resort. Ever.
Nevermind, just tear it down and give everyone a better view of scenic New Haven. Forming the rubble of the Yale Bowl, the Band plays “I Can See for Miles”
(Band forms rubble and plays “I Can see for Miles”)
Run away, Band! It’s Handsome Dan and he has to pee!
