Yale 2010
Princeton at Yale
November 13, 2010
Princeton loses 13-14
Pregame:
Eating popcorn on a piano, it’s the Kristen University Band!
(Band scrambles onto the field)
Coming soon to a theater near you: SLOTH!: The Kristen Davila story. Kristen is faced with a horrible dilemma. She’s sitting on the couch and needs to work on her TWO theses, but her computer is in the next room on the top bunk and she’s short. She puts on her Harry Potter Snuggie and spends thirty minutes trying to summon her laptop. Exhausted with the effort, she falls asleep. She wakes up fifteen hours later, and decides to go get her laptop. Once she starts writing she is overcome by the urge to write slash fan fiction, but then decides to watch Inglourious Basterds instead.
Forming a Lambda for Colonel Hans Landa, the Band plays Bulldog.
(Band forms a lambda and plays Bulldog)
And now, Hagrid – Dobby, Harry – Draco, Crabbe – Goyle, Lily – Petunia, Fred – George, Buckbeak – Norbert, Hermione – Aragog, Flitwick – Grawp, Mrs. Norris – Crookshanks, Voldemort – Quirrel, Nagini – Wormtail, Grindelwald – Dumbledore, Dudley – Kreacher,
And a Double-Double-Rotating-Peeves and Pansy Parkinson!
(Band forms two halves of a broken heart and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall)
Run Away Band, you weren’t playing your trumpet anyway.
Halftime:
No means yes and yes means it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches onto the field playing Princeton Forward March)
Any self-respecting Muggle knows that Hogwarts is the greatest school in all the world for Witchcraft and Wizardry. What you might not know is that Yale University is, in fact, a school for Squibs: non magical people born to magical parents. Despite their lack of natural talent, Yale students are still trying desperately to incorporate magic into their education.
(Band forms a lightening bolt and plays You Can Call Me Al)
Yale researchers recently released a study proving that mass consumption of French fries makes children obese. Who knew? The researchers are also credited with a number of other groundbreaking and unprecedented discoveries.
(Band forms a rat and plays The Muppet Show)
Run Away Band, the referee is as blind as Stevie Wonder and Anne Frank it’s Wingardium levi-OH-sa, not levio-SAH.
November 13, 2010
Princeton loses 13-14
Pregame:
Eating popcorn on a piano, it’s the Kristen University Band!
(Band scrambles onto the field)
Coming soon to a theater near you: SLOTH!: The Kristen Davila story. Kristen is faced with a horrible dilemma. She’s sitting on the couch and needs to work on her TWO theses, but her computer is in the next room on the top bunk and she’s short. She puts on her Harry Potter Snuggie and spends thirty minutes trying to summon her laptop. Exhausted with the effort, she falls asleep. She wakes up fifteen hours later, and decides to go get her laptop. Once she starts writing she is overcome by the urge to write slash fan fiction, but then decides to watch Inglourious Basterds instead.
Forming a Lambda for Colonel Hans Landa, the Band plays Bulldog.
(Band forms a lambda and plays Bulldog)
And now, Hagrid – Dobby, Harry – Draco, Crabbe – Goyle, Lily – Petunia, Fred – George, Buckbeak – Norbert, Hermione – Aragog, Flitwick – Grawp, Mrs. Norris – Crookshanks, Voldemort – Quirrel, Nagini – Wormtail, Grindelwald – Dumbledore, Dudley – Kreacher,
And a Double-Double-Rotating-Peeves and Pansy Parkinson!
(Band forms two halves of a broken heart and plays Going Back to Nassau Hall)
Run Away Band, you weren’t playing your trumpet anyway.
Halftime:
No means yes and yes means it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches onto the field playing Princeton Forward March)
Any self-respecting Muggle knows that Hogwarts is the greatest school in all the world for Witchcraft and Wizardry. What you might not know is that Yale University is, in fact, a school for Squibs: non magical people born to magical parents. Despite their lack of natural talent, Yale students are still trying desperately to incorporate magic into their education.
- Quidditch is played at both Hogwarts and Yale, but at Hogwarts, students can actually fly, while at Yale students run the risk of splinters and other, more severe groin injuries.
- Hogwarts students drink Polyjuice Potion to make themselves seem more attractive. Yale students drink to make everyone else seem more attractive.
- At Hogwarts, food magically appears on your plate. At Yale, your belongings mysteriously disappear.
- <Hogwarts students go down to Hagrid’s hut late at night. Yale students just go down.> (cut)
- At Hogwarts, students are divvied up by the Sorting Hat. At Yale, students are divided by socioeconomic class.
- Hogwarts’ campus is surrounded by the Forbidden Forest, teeming with dangerous magical creatures. Yale’s campus is surrounded by New Haven, teeming with kidney-snatching hobos.
(Band forms a lightening bolt and plays You Can Call Me Al)
Yale researchers recently released a study proving that mass consumption of French fries makes children obese. Who knew? The researchers are also credited with a number of other groundbreaking and unprecedented discoveries.
- Studies show that not being old is a consistently effective way to prevent the onset of Alzheimer’s.
- Studies show that Bieber fever is a major public health concern.
- Studies show that inflammable means flammable. Flammable ALSO MEANS FLAMMABLE.
- <Studies show that No Shave November leads to No Shag November.> (cut)
- Studies show that The Rent is Too Damn High.
- <Studies show that cocaine increases the user’s work ethic.> (cut)
- Studies show that double rainbows are SO INTENSE.
- Studies show that the best way to make the sentence that follows sound more credible is to preface it with the phrase “studies show.”
- Studies show that your level of being a hobo is strongly correlated to rat deliciousness.
(Band forms a rat and plays The Muppet Show)
Run Away Band, the referee is as blind as Stevie Wonder and Anne Frank it’s Wingardium levi-OH-sa, not levio-SAH.
