Yale 2011
Yale at Princeton
November 12th, 2011
Princeton loses 24-33
Pregame:
What are the best three universities in the country? Princeton, Harvard, and, uh, what’s that third one? Princeton, Harvard, and, uh, oops! Anyway, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles on)
Yesterday was 11/11/11, which is a historic day, because we won’t see another one for another hundred years – just like today, and tomorrow, and the next day. Nevertheless, we heard that lots of people were making wishes, so we decided to get into the spirit. Here are some things we wished for.
But since we told you all of our wishes, that means that none of them will come true. Forming a lambda for lost hopes and dreams, the Band plays “Bulldog.”
(Band forms lambda, plays “Bulldog”)
And now…
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating-P, plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall”)
Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the playing of the Star-Spangled Banner.
(Band plays “The Star-Spangled Banner”)
Run away, Band, before everyone realizes you haven’t recovered from last night!
Halftime:
Failing paternity tests onto the field, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on, plays “Princeton Forward March”)
With news coming out that pop star Justin Bieber may have a child, the song “Baby” takes on a whole new meaning. The Band has found some of the revised lyrics:
Our Lyrics And I was like, baby, baby, baby oh,
Like baby, baby, baby, no
When I was 16, I made my first love
I need DNA to compare to my baby
And only one came between us
And that was me
She woke me up daily
With phone calls from her lawyer
I should have used my Guided missile destroyer
And I was like, baby, baby, baby oh,
Like baby, baby, baby, no
Baby, baby baby, no no
Please don’t let it be mine
(For posterity, here are Justin Bieber’s and Ludacris’ original lyrics:) And I was like, baby, baby, baby, oh Like baby, baby, baby, no When I was 13, I had my first love There was nobody that compared to my baby And nobody came between us Who could ever come above She had me going crazy Oh I was starstruck She woke me up daily Don’t need no Starbucks And I was like, baby, baby, baby, oh Like baby, baby, baby, no Like baby, baby, baby, no I thought you’d always be mine
This incident brings up an important question: what if we’re Justin Bieber’s illegitimate offspring? But no, we don’t have that trademark swoop which started this whole fiasco.
Forming Justin Bieber’s hair, the band plays a song by an equally untalented artist: Ke$ha’s “We R Who We R.”
(Band forms Justin Bieber’s hair, plays “We R Who We R”)
Recently, Yale was named the second worst school in terms of animal treatment. It turns out, it’s because they’ve been going around stealing cows and using them in various ways.
Princeton tied with Yale in this animal mistreatment ranking, but that’s just from stomping on Bulldogs so often. But we’ve got to step up and stop these Yale students from stealing those bovine creatures. Think of the poor cows! Having to live in that prison of a campus! We ought to become the new Ivy that’s willing to punch those cow thieves.
(Band forms concert arc, plays “Also Sprach Zarathustra”)
A NEW IVY COW THIEF PUNCHER
anagrams into
OCCUPY NEW HAVEN WITH FIRE
flips to reveal
¡PRINCETON ES NUMERO UNO!
Run away, Band, you know I don’t speak Spanish!
November 12th, 2011
Princeton loses 24-33
Pregame:
What are the best three universities in the country? Princeton, Harvard, and, uh, what’s that third one? Princeton, Harvard, and, uh, oops! Anyway, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band scrambles on)
Yesterday was 11/11/11, which is a historic day, because we won’t see another one for another hundred years – just like today, and tomorrow, and the next day. Nevertheless, we heard that lots of people were making wishes, so we decided to get into the spirit. Here are some things we wished for.
- To have something worth wishing for
- 3 more wishes
- A lifetime supply of Cheez-Its
- A lifetime supply of money
- An event that will unite the whole campus in a night of classiness, featuring a mashup group
- For all the alums to enjoy their weekend on campus, with copious amounts of fun. Liquid fun.
- Mario in a catsuit again
- Balls. Orange and black ones.
But since we told you all of our wishes, that means that none of them will come true. Forming a lambda for lost hopes and dreams, the Band plays “Bulldog.”
(Band forms lambda, plays “Bulldog”)
And now…
- Bowties
- Horse-drawn carriages
- The 1%
- Balls
- Suspenders
- Tiffany’s
- Perrier
- Ballets
- Croissants
- French things in general
- Brooks Brothers
- Balloons
- A Lexus with a bow on top of it for your 16th birthday
- Grey Poupon
- British accents
(Band forms Double-Double-Rotating-P, plays “Going Back to Nassau Hall”)
Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the playing of the Star-Spangled Banner.
(Band plays “The Star-Spangled Banner”)
Run away, Band, before everyone realizes you haven’t recovered from last night!
Halftime:
Failing paternity tests onto the field, it’s the Princeton University Band!
(Band marches on, plays “Princeton Forward March”)
With news coming out that pop star Justin Bieber may have a child, the song “Baby” takes on a whole new meaning. The Band has found some of the revised lyrics:
Our Lyrics And I was like, baby, baby, baby oh,
Like baby, baby, baby, no
When I was 16, I made my first love
I need DNA to compare to my baby
And only one came between us
And that was me
She woke me up daily
With phone calls from her lawyer
I should have used my Guided missile destroyer
And I was like, baby, baby, baby oh,
Like baby, baby, baby, no
Baby, baby baby, no no
Please don’t let it be mine
(For posterity, here are Justin Bieber’s and Ludacris’ original lyrics:) And I was like, baby, baby, baby, oh Like baby, baby, baby, no When I was 13, I had my first love There was nobody that compared to my baby And nobody came between us Who could ever come above She had me going crazy Oh I was starstruck She woke me up daily Don’t need no Starbucks And I was like, baby, baby, baby, oh Like baby, baby, baby, no Like baby, baby, baby, no I thought you’d always be mine
This incident brings up an important question: what if we’re Justin Bieber’s illegitimate offspring? But no, we don’t have that trademark swoop which started this whole fiasco.
Forming Justin Bieber’s hair, the band plays a song by an equally untalented artist: Ke$ha’s “We R Who We R.”
(Band forms Justin Bieber’s hair, plays “We R Who We R”)
Recently, Yale was named the second worst school in terms of animal treatment. It turns out, it’s because they’ve been going around stealing cows and using them in various ways.
- For example, the cows drastically increase the attractiveness of the students on campus.
- They also improve the amorous prospects of the students.
- Constant mooing sounds make for much more intellectual discourse than whatever goes on at Yale.
- The smell of cows is far preferable to the stench of New Haven.
- They really needed to beef up their moo-sic department!
- The only way to convince prospective students that Yale is better than Princeton is with bull.
- Elis need milk for their weak, lame Skull and Bones.
- Cow pies make for much tastier food than what’s served in Yale’s dining halls.
- They want to feed the homeless in New Haven…to the cows.
- In honor of Yale alum George W. Bush’s cattle farm, they’re using a cow as a secondary mascot – in fairness, cows are more intimidating than bulldogs.
- Yale students miss their moms, and the cows remind them of home.
Princeton tied with Yale in this animal mistreatment ranking, but that’s just from stomping on Bulldogs so often. But we’ve got to step up and stop these Yale students from stealing those bovine creatures. Think of the poor cows! Having to live in that prison of a campus! We ought to become the new Ivy that’s willing to punch those cow thieves.
(Band forms concert arc, plays “Also Sprach Zarathustra”)
A NEW IVY COW THIEF PUNCHER
anagrams into
OCCUPY NEW HAVEN WITH FIRE
flips to reveal
¡PRINCETON ES NUMERO UNO!
Run away, Band, you know I don’t speak Spanish!
