Yale 2017
Yale at Princeton
November 11th, 2017
Princeton loses 35-31
Pregame:
Crawling out from underneath your bed, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band plays Buddy Holly]
Fun facts about Yale! A bulldog doesn’t have a tail. The only thing Yale students can do is go to jail and then post bail. They always flail and in their grades, they can’t fail. They feast on champagne and quail. They’re scared of hail. A green vegetable is kale. A package has arrived, please check your mail. HOLY GRAIL! GINGER ALE! All these rhymes are getting stale, unlike our Double-Double-Rotating P that’s always present in our hearts even when we’re not on the field.
[Band plays Going Back to Nassau Hall]
Halftime:
Celebrating mediocrity, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Forward March]
Yale’s endowment value became $27.2 billion, allowing Yale students to continue with their luxurious habits. They can still feed tins of caviar to their exotic pets for dinner, have a different sports car for every day of the week, and dive into swimming pools full of money. But while Yale may be slightly better endowed than Princeton, unlike Yale, we’re more into giving than receiving. Yale had an investment return of only 11.3% while Princeton’s was 12.5%. They could learn a thing or two from us. We’ll take their tins of caviar and sports cars and give them to those truly in need, just like Robin Hood stealing from the rich and giving to the poor.
[Band forms Robin Hood’s hat and plays Robin Hood]
Yale isn’t all that bad at helping out communities though. Just recently, some Yale architecture students helped create homes in Connecticut for the homeless. You heard right, ladies and gentlemen! The Yale students found it in the goodness of their hearts to design and refurbish some old vans in order to create homes for those in need. The Yalies were so generous that they even donated some of their old ottomans and chaise lounges so the residents could decorate their vans with the style that the Yalies thought they lacked. Well I guess this is a start for them. They’re still newbs and stand to learn a lot from Princeton…about how to be generous and just in general.
[Band forms V and performs flasher routine while playing Also Sprach]
Flashers flash:
HOBO EN VAN
Anagrams to:
NOOB HAVEN
Flips to reveal:
WIN 4 NASS!
Run away Band, before the Yale males impale us with their tails.
November 11th, 2017
Princeton loses 35-31
Pregame:
Crawling out from underneath your bed, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band plays Buddy Holly]
Fun facts about Yale! A bulldog doesn’t have a tail. The only thing Yale students can do is go to jail and then post bail. They always flail and in their grades, they can’t fail. They feast on champagne and quail. They’re scared of hail. A green vegetable is kale. A package has arrived, please check your mail. HOLY GRAIL! GINGER ALE! All these rhymes are getting stale, unlike our Double-Double-Rotating P that’s always present in our hearts even when we’re not on the field.
[Band plays Going Back to Nassau Hall]
Halftime:
Celebrating mediocrity, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Forward March]
Yale’s endowment value became $27.2 billion, allowing Yale students to continue with their luxurious habits. They can still feed tins of caviar to their exotic pets for dinner, have a different sports car for every day of the week, and dive into swimming pools full of money. But while Yale may be slightly better endowed than Princeton, unlike Yale, we’re more into giving than receiving. Yale had an investment return of only 11.3% while Princeton’s was 12.5%. They could learn a thing or two from us. We’ll take their tins of caviar and sports cars and give them to those truly in need, just like Robin Hood stealing from the rich and giving to the poor.
[Band forms Robin Hood’s hat and plays Robin Hood]
Yale isn’t all that bad at helping out communities though. Just recently, some Yale architecture students helped create homes in Connecticut for the homeless. You heard right, ladies and gentlemen! The Yale students found it in the goodness of their hearts to design and refurbish some old vans in order to create homes for those in need. The Yalies were so generous that they even donated some of their old ottomans and chaise lounges so the residents could decorate their vans with the style that the Yalies thought they lacked. Well I guess this is a start for them. They’re still newbs and stand to learn a lot from Princeton…about how to be generous and just in general.
[Band forms V and performs flasher routine while playing Also Sprach]
Flashers flash:
HOBO EN VAN
Anagrams to:
NOOB HAVEN
Flips to reveal:
WIN 4 NASS!
Run away Band, before the Yale males impale us with their tails.