Yale 2018
Princeton at Yale
November 10th, 2018
Princeton wins 59-43
Pregame:
Underestimating the size of marshmallows since 2017, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band scrambles onto the field]
Turmoil has engulfed the galactic republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute. Oh wait, sorry, wrong script. Our fearless leader, Kyle G, who plays the trombone and whose dad is a police officer and who grew up in Vir-… Wait, this isn’t the right Kyle G. This is getting out of hand… now there are two of them! Okay, last time. Our fearless leader, Kyle Groves, has served us well for the past year. His job is to rescue the band from near destruction, and we’ll still never forget the time that this magikarp released all of those serpents in the ocean. Bring it, Kyle!
[Band forms “SC” and plays Rescue Me]
Kyle, according to Google’s advertisement algorithm, is a 70 year-old man. We can’t say we’re surprised though, which is why we’ve compiled a list of reasons why Kyle probably belongs in a senior center:
Forming an oat square on the field, the Band plays Every Time He Touches That Sporran, It’s Probably to Eat an Oat Square.
[Band forms an oat square and plays Every Time We Touch]
Run away band, Kyle has another special election to run!
Halftime:
Getting expontentially bigger from eating your goods, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Forward March]
It’s an infestation nation! Mice have taken over students’ suites and even the dining halls. Though despite such a large rodent problem, most Yale students aren’t panicking or even motivated to do anything about it. Yale has assured the student body that they’ve “treated” the problem, but they probably can’t get rid of the pests without getting rid of their whole student body. It seems like with the winter coming, these mice have found a new home; a safe haven in New Haven, so we might as well start calling Yale the Land of 1000 Mice.
[Band forms a mouse and plays Land of 1000 Dances]
Mice aren’t the only furry friends up here in New Haven. Researchers at the University have been working on some softcore robotics. Their furry ‘soft bots’ are created using everyday objects like a plush horse and a foam tube to create a ‘wriggling robo-worm.’ Are they just horsin’ around up here? I don’t know about you, but it seems like all of our nightmares about our stuffed animals coming alive and murdering us in the middle of the night are now coming true. Wait, do you think those mice could be Yale just testing the soft bots? We’ll just have to wait and see if the robo-worm shows up too. Forming a “wriggling robo-worm” on the field, the band plays He’s a Robot!
[Band forms a ‘robo-worm’ and plays He’s a Pirate]
Run away band, the robo-mice are coming and they’re hungered.
November 10th, 2018
Princeton wins 59-43
Pregame:
Underestimating the size of marshmallows since 2017, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band scrambles onto the field]
Turmoil has engulfed the galactic republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute. Oh wait, sorry, wrong script. Our fearless leader, Kyle G, who plays the trombone and whose dad is a police officer and who grew up in Vir-… Wait, this isn’t the right Kyle G. This is getting out of hand… now there are two of them! Okay, last time. Our fearless leader, Kyle Groves, has served us well for the past year. His job is to rescue the band from near destruction, and we’ll still never forget the time that this magikarp released all of those serpents in the ocean. Bring it, Kyle!
[Band forms “SC” and plays Rescue Me]
Kyle, according to Google’s advertisement algorithm, is a 70 year-old man. We can’t say we’re surprised though, which is why we’ve compiled a list of reasons why Kyle probably belongs in a senior center:
- He’s about to retire from his presidency to work in a library.
- He owns (and wears) a silk pajama suit, and has a fastidious obsession with shirtstays and cufflinks.
- He has a life-long dream of being The Music Man.
- Dad jokes. May I say more?
- His most recent songs on Spotify include Frank Sinatra and smooth jazz.
- His favorite cereal is the blandest of them all.
Forming an oat square on the field, the Band plays Every Time He Touches That Sporran, It’s Probably to Eat an Oat Square.
[Band forms an oat square and plays Every Time We Touch]
Run away band, Kyle has another special election to run!
Halftime:
Getting expontentially bigger from eating your goods, it’s the Princeton University Band!
[Band marches on to Princeton Forward March]
It’s an infestation nation! Mice have taken over students’ suites and even the dining halls. Though despite such a large rodent problem, most Yale students aren’t panicking or even motivated to do anything about it. Yale has assured the student body that they’ve “treated” the problem, but they probably can’t get rid of the pests without getting rid of their whole student body. It seems like with the winter coming, these mice have found a new home; a safe haven in New Haven, so we might as well start calling Yale the Land of 1000 Mice.
[Band forms a mouse and plays Land of 1000 Dances]
Mice aren’t the only furry friends up here in New Haven. Researchers at the University have been working on some softcore robotics. Their furry ‘soft bots’ are created using everyday objects like a plush horse and a foam tube to create a ‘wriggling robo-worm.’ Are they just horsin’ around up here? I don’t know about you, but it seems like all of our nightmares about our stuffed animals coming alive and murdering us in the middle of the night are now coming true. Wait, do you think those mice could be Yale just testing the soft bots? We’ll just have to wait and see if the robo-worm shows up too. Forming a “wriggling robo-worm” on the field, the band plays He’s a Robot!
[Band forms a ‘robo-worm’ and plays He’s a Pirate]
Run away band, the robo-mice are coming and they’re hungered.
